What's the difference between a ginger vagina and a cricket ball? If you try hard - and I mean really fucking hard - you can just about eat a cricket ball.
Viagra now available in powder to put in tea, does nothing for erections but stops your biscuit from going soft
Our neighbour's dog crapped in our garden so my wife told to me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence. I don't see what that solved, now we've got dog crap in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.
My neighbour knocked on my door this morning. He said "I was going to the paper shop and your dog went for me". I said "that's strange he's never gone up there for me".
The toilet in our office has a sign that reads, "Please leave this toilet as you would wish to find it." So I left a can of beer & a porn mag.
I was watching Rachel Riley on countdown the other day when I got aroused............hmmm 7 letters not bad
Me and my mate Dave were having a drink at the local bar. I asked him, "If I slept with your wife and she had my child, would that make us related?" "No," he replied, "but it would make us even."
I went to my doctor because I was having this reoccurring dream about a pack of playing cards. "I'll deal with you in a minute" he said laughing", like he had just invented a new joke and was the funniest man in the world. "Can you take me seriously please doctor, these jokes are quite old, so lets just get over it and move on, this is a real issue for me", I said to him. "Okay, suit yourself!" he said again laughing like a lunatic. Anyway, by this point I was fed up so I decked him.
My wife admitted yesterday that she is having lesbian sex with her best friend. As a reward for her honesty, I bought her a video camera.
New Scotland manager Gordon Strachan says he is already preparing for the 2014 world cup. He's bought himself a new TV.
I went to my son's parents evening last night. I was furious when his teacher said she couldn't put a face to his name. The little tw@t had bunked off the whole term.
