Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. My Career as a Yoghurt thief is taking Shape.
     
    #1081 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
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  2. I always had you down as a cultured individual
     
    #1082 Char, Feb 3, 2013
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  3. Are you two starting a colony of your own?
     
    #1083 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2013
  4. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
     
    #1084 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2013
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  5. Yoghurt is apparently good for thrush, you're fucked if you don't like the taste of it tho.

    True story ...
     
    #1085 Greyman, Feb 3, 2013
  6. Porn gives young people an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house
     
    #1086 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
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  7. A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"


    The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.


    "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
     
    #1087 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
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  8. A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.


    I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.
     
    #1088 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
  9. So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once.

    Your move Jesus...
     
    #1089 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
  10. Disabled toilets.


    Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
     
    #1090 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
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  11. Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.


    It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.
     
    #1091 El Toro, Feb 3, 2013
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  12. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
     
    #1092 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2013
  13. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
     
    #1093 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2013
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  14. Whenever I fill out an application form, in the section that says, "In a medical emergency, contact:"

    I write "DOCTOR".

    What's my wife going to do?
     
    #1094 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2013
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  15. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it's gone.
     
    #1095 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2013

  16. Disabled toilets.

    Don't believe it. They usually work.
     
    #1096 gliddofglood, Feb 3, 2013
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  17. Us Brits and the Polish aren't as different as we all think.

    We both drink too much booze, eat a lot of meat and neither of us want to be in Poland.
     
    #1097 El Toro, Feb 4, 2013
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  18. My mate is trying to re-marry his ex-wife.

    It's his cunning plan to gain access to the money she married him for.
     
    #1098 Rudolph Hart, Feb 4, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  19. Surgeon checking on is patient after a minor operation,

    "You'll be fine" he says,

    She asks, "How long will it be before I can enjoy a full sex life again?"

    The surgeon pauses, then a tear forms in the corner of his eye and ran down his cheek. This alarms the girl.

    "Whats the matter doctor? I will be alright wont I?"

    "As I said you'll be fine, its just that nobody has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out!"
     
    #1099 Phartycr0c, Feb 4, 2013
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  20. I've just found a great new online dating service for Welshmen.

    It's called Ewe Tube.
     
    #1100 Rudolph Hart, Feb 4, 2013
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