I said to my mate, "Since when did you start wearing an earring?" “Since my wife found it in my car.” He replied.
JK Rowling is said to be writing a new Harry Potter book. Haven't seen anyone milk a small wizard so much since Debbie McGee..
A man on a Ducati was riding along a California beach, when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy." God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"
A slice of apple pie in Jamaica costs $2.50 A slice of apple pie in Dominican Republic costs $1.50 A slice of apple pie in Cayman Islands costs $4.50 A slice of apple pie in Haiti costs $1.25 These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
During work, me and Dave were chatting: Dave: Tony, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week. Me: oh! Why? Dave: For example, do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is? Me: No Dave: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you took night Courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place: Dave: Do you know who Alexandre Dumas is? Me: No Dave: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you took night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again: Dave: And do you know who Jean-Jacques Rousseau is? Me: No idea Dave: He's the author of "The Confessions" if you took night courses, you would know this. This time i was pissed off, and said: And you Dave ... do you know who Big Barry Jones is? Dave: No? Me: He's the guy who's screwing your wife Dave ...If you stop going to night courses, you'd know this.
The founder of Welcome Break is reported to have passed away. He will be remembered at services all over the country..
I ain't got one of them noisy contraptions I'll have you know I went back to smoking three years ago with Elsie
A matchmaker goes to see Mr. Henderson, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Henderson, don't leave it too late," she pleads, "I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" "Don't bother," replies Mr. Henderson, "I have two sisters at home who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife," the matchmaker replies. "I said 'two sisters,'" Mr. Henderson responds: "I didn't say they were mine."
