Quotes ( funny ).

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by He11cat, Mar 1, 2013.

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  1. Kicked back tonight and watched for umpteenth time Gladiator.
    still love it.

    jolted back the memory of a certain actor who I know was a raging drunk but even as a youngster I had a massive soft spot for.

    He has come out with some funny quotes and this one make me laugh.




    "I would much rather end up a fertiliser under a sunflower which is eventually made into sunflower seed oil so that instead of nibbling me in her prawn cocktail, the pretty girl will rub me on her bristols as she suns herself on a beach in the Caribbean." -
    -- Oliver Reed
    Any quotes from people that have made you laugh.
     
    #1 He11cat, Mar 1, 2013
  2. George Best.

    "I spent 90% of my money on women, drink and fast cars. The rest I wasted".
     
    #2 deleteduser211220, Mar 2, 2013
  3. Jon Anderson:

    "The time between the notes relates the colour to the scene. A constant vogue of triumphs dislocate man, so it seems. Space between the focus shape ascend knowledge of love. As song and chance develop time, lost social temperance rules above."

    Funny peculiar as opposed to funny ha-ha :wink:
     
    #3 Loz, Mar 2, 2013
  4. A copper on TV the other night,talking about a Romanian pickpocket:
    "Well he stands out a bit,doesn't he?....got a head like a Witch Doctors Rattle..."
     
    #4 Lightning_650, Mar 2, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2013
  5. "Gotta have the cheeks for it" - my mate Jon (not Anderson!), ca 1983.

    It's amazing how many times that quote was repeated and in how many situations.
     
    #5 Loz, Mar 2, 2013
  6. Zsa Zsa Gabor :- "A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.”
     
    #6 Chris, Mar 2, 2013
  7. "Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."

    Groucho Marx.
     
    #7 Rudolph Hart, Mar 2, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2013
  8. "I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home."

    W.C. Fields
     
    #8 Rudolph Hart, Mar 2, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2013
  9. "Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died."


    Peter Ustinov.
     
    #9 Rudolph Hart, Mar 2, 2013
  10. Some good ones :)
     
    #10 He11cat, Mar 2, 2013
  11. You're basically killing each other to see who's got the best imaginary friend

    Richard Jeni
     
    #11 Char, Mar 2, 2013
  12. #12 SOUP, Mar 2, 2013
  13. #13 SOUP, Mar 2, 2013
  14. ... so switch to a Ducati then.
     
    #14 Pete1950, Mar 2, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  15. #15 SOUP, Mar 2, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2013
  16. they couln hit a barn door at fifty yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
     
    #16 idrinkbeer, Mar 2, 2013
  17. Churchill was master at 1 liners,
    A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't
    change the subject.

    He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices
    I admire.

    History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

    However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally
    look at the results.     (one I intend to use at work now that I've read it)

    Success is the ability to go from one failure to another
    with no loss of enthusiasm.

    and my favourite

    Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
    Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”
     
    #17 Pat, Mar 2, 2013
  18. woman to churchill......sir your drunk!!!!!!

    churchill...... madam your ugly but in the morning i will be sober.
     
    #18 idrinkbeer, Mar 2, 2013
  19. Edited because idrinkbeer is quicker off the mark than me :biggrin:
     
    #19 shadow, Mar 2, 2013
  20. churchill in parliament calling someome a lier



    sir your a perpitrator of terminalogical inexactitudes....( spelling shite sorry )
     
    #20 idrinkbeer, Mar 2, 2013
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