As you get a little older,you will find Vaseline is a real boon to sex.You smear it on the door handle and the kids cant get in!
My catholic mate has just sprinted in shouting "I can See white smoke, I can see white smoke!" "Does this mean they've elected a new pope?" I asked Nope, your missus has driven off with the handbrake on again!
So, Pope Francis only has one lung. He may not be able to give a very powerful public address, but at least the choir boys can outrun him.
The new pontiff obviously gets the joke about a bishop's hat looking like a cock. Pope Francis is an anagram of penis for cap
Argentinian Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio has been elected as the new Pope. The 76-year-old, who will be known as Pope Francis I or uncle frank to all the under 10's
Another catholic gets the job of pope again. I intend to take this up with the EU minister of equality.
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids? When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you up the arse ..............with her clitoris.
The new Pope's Argentinean - Pope Francis says he has been guided by the hand of god, seems to be a common theme in Argentina.
My son came home from school today, pulled a cardboard photo frame out of his bag and yelled, "look what I've made!" "That's great," I said holding up my smartphone. "This is what the kids make in China."
They've just hailed a new pope in, which is quite ironic, because 'Hailed Pope' is an anagram of paedophile
When interviewed today by a reporter for the BBC, two American students have signalled their hopes for a newly elected Pontiff to be a 'Pope for young people.' Oh, don't you worry about that.
[FONT=____noteworthy]Just seen pictures of the new Pope and I must say I'm very surprised...[/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy] [/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy] [/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy]I didn't even know Jim Bowen was a Catholic.[/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy] [/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy]Look at what ya woulda wun ...... Jedaisum )[/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy]"Stay out of the black and in the red, nothing in this game for two in a bed"[/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy] [/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy]New Pope, Jim Bowens first words to the world.[/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy] [/FONT] [FONT=____noteworthy]Super, smashing, great.[/FONT]
"Don't forget it's Steak and Blowjob Day today!" I said to the wife before I left work. "That's not fair," she moaned. "What do I get out of all this? ".... "A trip to the butchers and a protein shake!"
My girlfriend and I are both vegetarians. So it looks like I'll be getting some Quorn and a wank tonight.
English Hospitality An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighbourhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness’s. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want." The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?" "No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
