A spokesman for Guide Dogs for the Blind has said that the number of times they are having to provide replacement dogs to blind Koreans is mysteriously high.
A New Hampshire State Rep. is in trouble for an email he sent where he referred to women as "vaginas." Can you imagine referring to a person by their genitals? What a dick!
Ken Dodd, Puff Daddy and Dido are going to be performing together at festivals this year. They're calling the act Doddy Diddy Dido.
My mate has loads of memorabilia of Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Supergirl. I think he may have a heroine addiction.
David Cameron has today defended plans to have trainee nurses start off as health care assistants before they start nursing. That's fine, as long as trainee politicians start off as sewer workers before they spend the rest of their time talking shit.
ITV faced complaints after Alan Titchmarsh had Patsy Kensit in the guest slot. Jealousy is a terrible thing......
"Are we going to have sex or what?" "But we've literally just met." she replied. I'm not very good at speed dating.
"Breakfast!" I shouted to my wife. "I'm alright, I've already eaten." she replied. Then she crashed into an on coming bus.
I met this stunning young girl in the pub last night, she was really impressed that I would do a topless portfolio of her for free in my "studio" She'll be here in five minutes, everything is all set up and my phone is fully charged.
Shamelessly stolen from SW Bikers A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'. 'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.' The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. 'Geez thanks. They're real beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news? 'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!
The Police asked me to identify what they thought was my girlfriends body. They pulled the sheet back to show her face "i cant be sure". The sheet went back a bit further to reveal her breasts and nipples. "sorry" but im still not sure". Then they took the sheet completely off. I had a good look at the body and neatly shaved lady garden. "That's definitely not her officer". "Are you sure?" "Yep. My Girlfriend isn't black!"
A big fight broke out at the petrol station round the corner last night. 23 people arrested in Total....
