So Sir Alex Ferguson has announced he will retire from management come the end of May. Or with added time October.
Jose Mourinho has dropped the biggest hint yet that he is going to take over from Sir Alex Ferguson next season. He was spotted out buying a new watch.
My wife says I shouldn't moan when she parks several inches out from the kerb. But when I'm one inch out of place in the bedroom department she goes berserk.
I think the sparkle's gone out of my relationship with my girlfriend. I first noticed in bed last night while we were making like.
With the news of Sir Alex Fergusons retirement, Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester City are in a bidding war to sign Howard Webb.
To honour Sir Alex Ferguson's career, I have decided to keep my shop open for 5 minutes longer tonight.
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop" Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop"
Things with my ex didn't work out because we liked different things. I liked horror movies and she liked fucking other people.
Son: Dad, I want a woman. Dad: Son, you're ten years old. Son: So? I want a woman. Dad: Can you touch your anus with your penis? Son: No. Dad: You're too young, forget it. Later: Son: Dad, I want a woman. Dad: Son, you're twelve years old. Son: So? I want a woman. Dad: Can you touch your anus with your penis? Son: No. Dad: You're still too young, forget it. Later: Son: Dad, I want a woman. Dad: Son, you're fourteen years old. Son: So? I want a woman. Dad: Can you touch your anus with your penis? Son: Yes! Dad: Well, what the hell you need a woman for?
I come from a long line of abseilers but I rarely see them, except at Christmas when the fuckers all descend on me.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion.................................................and a lifetime ban at Edinburgh Zoo
Let's see now, hairdryer, hipflask, watches, chewing gum. "OK, love I am ready and off work". "Alright Dave, hope you have a good first day in your new job".
Just heard the news about Alex Ferguson retiring. It's so refreshing to see a story of a man in his seventies, in the news, that doesn't involve child abuse.
Just saw someone take over 30 minutes to park a car. I couldn't see the driver clearly, so I'm not going to assume which gender she was.
