Spending A Lot Of Time Here

Hello my friend,

you don’t know me but I do know what you’re going through,

hang in there, things will get better. I know it’s a cliche but it’s true.

If you ever want to chat, drop me a pm and I’ll fire over my number. It’s NEVER a problem.

From my experiences us blokes when put in these situations tend to try and ‘fix it’ but you need to let things settle first. Try and relax and let things go a bit. You can only control what you are able to control. That that is out of your control, will remain out of your control and trying to control it only brings you pain.

Adam

 

Take care out there fellas...

 

For me it was exercise, I did a lot of mountain biking. I was single for 20 years and had no children though, what shared interest do you and your Daughter have or could develop?

 

I put my head down and worked; on jobs, bikes, house, education.... If I had to take holidays in employment I worked elsewhere for a couple of weeks. Also meant I was not spending so much. Worked for me but after a lot of years I looked up and the world had moved on without me noticing.

 

At times of stress with emotional thoughts to deal with I always found you need something to take your mind off things. You have to give your mind a rest from the thoughts that are continually circulating. Work helps if it becomes all engrossing but we can’t or shouldn’t be working all the time. Try something new. Assuming you don’t already play buy a guitar and engross yourself in learning to play, buy an old bike as a project, strip it down and rebuild it, learn how to weld. anything that fully engages your mind and where you have to concentrate on the task in hand, it will take your mind of other things and give your brain and emotions the rest they need. It will also pass the time.

 

Try and see beyond the brambles you are currently entangled.
You are without doubt going through a shitty time, however, there's a bright future for you if you wish grasp it. This woman as done the worst possible thing to you, she is not the person you thought and certainly not the woman you married/made babies with, you have to gasp that as soon as you can, for your own sake and to protect your future.
Hunker down and get through this shitty period as best you can, because once finished, these's a whole new freedom waiting for you.

 

I immersed myself in my yoga classes, which I still do regularly (now online). I read a lot more and indulged in my love of art house cinema. Stuff like this is very personal but I found the yoga the best help, mainly because of the type of people around you and the introduction to meditation it gave me. It's the one thing I enjoy doing on my own.
Paul's suggestions of being fully immersed in something are sound, as long as you have the motivation. It's hard, and with lockdown it's a whole lot harder. Hopefully with restrictions being lifted things may get easier. Hopefully you have friends you can start to see and talk to. Happy to chat...

 

Sounds like it is still too early days for distractions.

 

Accept change willingly & be positive of your future. Childrens eye-sight could well be affected by all this close focusing devices imho.

 

I’ve never experienced this so the only thing I can offer is what happened with my close mate when he found himself exactly in your position: Take out all the alcohol, take your friends help at any hour & be civil about your wife to your kids. They’ll work it out eventually. Oh & if you can find a way to protect your pension, do that! Good luck, we’re all here, virtually or otherwise

 

Hi @Lumbux it sounds like your being a great dad to your kids but remember to look after yourself and take time away from your home for yourself this will help your own mental health and also stop your wife thinking she has an on call babysitter . she is there mother and they should be her priority as they are yours , I'd make myself a little less available without having a big confrontation , like the rest of the lads here happy to talk anytime !!!

 

Absolutely!

 

Echoing what @theskitz has said above. Sounds like your wife is having her cake and eating it in the sense that she's off having fun with her fancy man and at the same time expecting you to tolerate that and stay home looking after the children. This is completely unacceptable and unreasonable behaviour and can't continue. You need to do something about it, sounds like it's beyond a "it's him or me" ultimatum. Have you already tried that?

Do you want custody of the children? Huge responsibility. Sounds like she either doesn't care that much or is selfishly using you to get everything she wants. Are there any grandparents who could have them for a couple of weeks now we have the family bubble situation? Would allow you the chance to sort yourself out, find an alternative place to live.