Wayne Rooney has denied that he ever made an official transfer request, adding that he asked for stickers and not transfers.
Wayne Rooney's newborn son Klay, was named in honour of his father. Thick and difficult to work with.
My date started choking last night so I quickly pulled my cock out. "How's that going to help?" asked the waiter.
My wife and I were having a quiet dinner in a local restaurant. "When are you going to the doctors about that rash on your vagina?" I asked. "Lower your voice" she said, turning red. So I asked her again doing my Barry White impression.
I took my kids to a farm in Wales once. "Why's there dye on the sheep's back?" asked the youngest. I said, "That's so the farmer knows who's sheep they are." Then I noticed Dai doing his trousers up.
Jeremy Hunt believes he can read people's minds. It's not that impressive when everyone thinks you're a cunt.
A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. On approaching an airfield one night, instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"
A Japanese man returns home after a tough day. He shouts, disgruntledly, to his wife: "Sukitaki!" His wife runs worriedly to his side: "Kowanini?" The husband angrily replies: "Toka o anaji rodi ruumi yaku!" The wife replies: "Mimi nakunidara tonukuji!" The husband slaps his wife, and she falls to her knees, almost begging: "Kina no timatara sekkio kouji!" ... ... The real joke there is you reading this and pretending you understand Japanese. What a twat you look.
What if, when we die, the tunnel with light at the end is just us being pushed out of another vagina?
Yuri Geller claims he can read people's minds. It's not that impressive when everyone thinks you're a cunt.
"It's true, men can't multitask." laughed my wife with her mother. "Really." I said. "And just whose finger was fucking your arsehole while your pussy was getting eaten out last night?" That shut them both up.
A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about neutering me cat." Vet: "Is it a tom?" Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' me."
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were thine" engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.. When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were thin". He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left the bloody "e" out!" The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you". The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud: "E, she were thin".
[TABLE] [TR] [TD]I sat on my wife for a while to make her numb so it felt like I was fucking someone else. [/TD] [TD="width: 95, align: right"] [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE]
