Not really sure why I'm putting this on here or what exactly I think I'm going to get out of it short of the release of writing it down, but here goes. My missus's mother - Jesus CHRIST! I met this lady around 2 years ago give or take. I'm a pretty open minded person and generally take people for what my experiences are of them. I wasn't overly sure on her, just found her a bit odd... but obviously it was early days and haven't we all had these experiences first off!? I've generally been very good to her.. I mean I gave her my 2 grand TV when I sold my last house. To fast forward a lot. I am now at the point that I've expressed to my missus that I cannot be around her anymore. This year is bad enough without her causing grief at every available point. I didn't really understand initially and took it all personally. But it turns out that many of my partners friends have also experienced her mum at full swing and are generally pretty wary of her. To explain, she is a middle class, 67 year old, divorced (not surprising) ex Londoner who now lives on the coast and has done for around 20 years. She has one son and one daughter and very little other family in the UK and the American lot don't seem to want to know her. She used to be a banker but retired from that many years ago and has worked in education for the last 15 years or so (uni) however has also recently totally retired despite in her own admission stating it was the wrong thing to do... before she did it. My missus thinks this was when she went down hill when she went in to education, she generally does have extremely unusual views on things which is fine, but she also does not allow any other opinions. It's her way or the highway. To cut a long story short, I used to make a bit of an effort with her despite the snotty comments and general dickishness. This year however as mentioned I have totally cut her off, which my missus states she totally understands. In my eyes she has gone bananas. She doesn't know this directly as I've just stopped going down there in the last few months but I'd imagine it's obvious. Just to give you a flavour. When I visit them (she is currently back home with her mum as we are waiting for our new home together to be completed) her mum will actively hide basically. She runs upstairs in to her room usually when I pull up. I always thought this was odd but it turns out (or atleast we believe) that she is doing this to see if anyone will make the effort to go and find her (she does the same when you say you're leaving). I mean why would I walk in to her bedroom?. But she complains like crazy despite the fact she never makes an effort with anyone, she believes everyone MUST make the effort with her. I'm going to bullet point some stuff because otherwise this is going to be a hardback novel of a moan; She hates me or anyone to do with her daughter and is constantly attempting to cause a divide. This includes ex's. All of them. One of them she wouldn't even allow in the house years ago. She seems to compare me to her amazing son and his partner all the time. Putting me down whenever possible. This guy is 30 and has never moved out and is on minimum wage. I run a company and moved out at the age of 18. It defies logic. I've actually tried to help her son a few times but he's a bit of a knob also. She tells people I live in a bad area? No idea why. I live in arguably the most expensive and desirable parts of Kent. Everytime Someone corrects her, she later will say it again. Again not that it matters, it's just very odd. Like undermining or deliberately trying to discredit me somehow? She dislikes anything or anyone who differs from her. She's told my missus she should pay rent. Which is fine. But her son doesn't and never has. Not to mention my partner buys all their food. Anyone who didn't go to university is a substandard human. She hates me on this basis as I didn't and am Successful. The very first thing she said about me to my missus after she met me was, "he is a silly boy messing around with engines and stuff. You need to tell him to stop immediately". She classes herself as a Tory and hates labour but honestly I've not met many who are more socialistic (not exactly a problem but just adds to the confusion. She seems to dislike men. A lot. You can say something to her and have a whole convo about something and she'll point blank tell you it never happened down the line. She's a hypochondriac. My missus is practically buying all of their shopping. Her brother will come back with a bag of pasta and beer. Her mum won't generally go. The fridge is nearly always empty. However they eat all my partners food. She will say something one day and totally believe that's the case. A few days later she changed her tune entirely. She is constantly saying things like "family is everything. Blood family that is. We have to stick together". Almost like she is asking my missus to choose. If you avoid conversation topics with her to avoid conflict she gets the hump and rants to my missus. But if you engage her it leads to argument. She loves to argue on her terms, but is often outgunned and then sulks when it backfires and try's to make out it's everyone else fault and runs off. She acts like a 5 year old who's been told they can't have alphabeti spaghetti for dinner again. Most of the time to be honest. I couldn't believe the behaviour the first time I saw it. My missus was having to be the adult in the situation. She only ever wants to be involved when it suits her or if we do EXACTLY as she pleases. She thinks she knows everything but often doesn't, but basically forces stuff down your throat and if you don't do as your told she goes off on one. Believe it or not, I am currently buying a house FOR me and my partner and recently she lost her shit at my missus stating that apparently we aren't grateful to her for all she has done? I swear to god she has done absolutely nothing. She wants me to be grateful to her for a house that I AM BUYING!? She tries to tell me what to do in my work. I run a company of which she has zero knowledge or experience in. She moans when I come round. She moans when I don't come round. If anyone so much as mentions that there might be a flaw in any kind of plan or idea she looses her mind and says its negative. This doesn't have to be even her idea. She dislikes anyone who likes to own nice things. I got my missus a nice coat last Christmas, and her mum turned her nose up at it and said it was designer and she'd brought her up better than that apparently. A few weeks later my missus's boss got the management team at her place coats by the same brand for work and her mum thought it was amazing? She thinks I am taking her daughter away from her. Which is really not the case. She is doing that job herself as my partner can't wait to be away from her again. I mean I cannot stand her, but all along I've said to my partner that I think it's really important for her and her mum to have a strong and healthy relationship. She thinks that as an extension to my relationship with her daughter that I should do all her DIY and house work for her? She thinks she's this strong independent woman who can't even change a lightbulb and has to get the old guy across the road to do things for her. Or my missus. Who near enough cooks for her everynight (this is expected). The very second my new van turned up she was telling my missus to make me clear her garage out. Naturally I said get fucked. My missus luckily is totally understanding of the situation but the way her mum is to her is honestly fucking disgusting (excuse my french). My missus is like Cinderella - genuinely. She does absolutely everything for her mum and gets zero back. Absolutely nothing. She said recently despite being a well known Christmas hater, that Christmas is a time for family (in my mind this is because her daughter is moving in with me soon and she knows next Christmas we are doing it on our own). But also openly stated that Christmas should always be with her and nobody else. So apparently my family means fuck all but even looking over this would you have her over when she ruins everything? Fuck no! My missus has found her countless times going through her room. I think lately she's trying to find house and mortgage info. Get this.. not long ago, her mum had a go at me because I drunk a bottle gin with my partner one evening. Saying that I hadn't left any... There was a few bottles left by the way and I brought all their damn GIN!! It wasn't even hers. If I take my missus out for the day and happen to feed her, her mum goes mental and says we aren't including her ? GOD GIVE ME STRENGHT. We tried to include her lately and showed her the new home plans and site. She said to my missus discretely "what's going on with the garages then, my missus responded saying that Adam (me) is using them for his stuff and got cool plans for it." Her mum got the right arsehole and said "I wouldn't be standing for that, you need to make your claim on that area immediately". WHAT THE FUCK! Probably one of the most alarming things was we once spoke about issues people have in education. And my missus mentioned that I have Aspergers, ADHD & Dyslexia. Her mum set about thinking she was somehow going to fix me and genuinely said the words 'it's all an excuse that stuff, it isn't real'. If she was a bloke I'd have decked her haha. My early school years were bloody awful not knowing what was wrong with me and not understanding why things looked different to me than other kids. Spiteful Shit bag. Whilst it's not noticeable these days. This is my beef with education and many educational type people. They're on another planet. @Zhed46 will undoubtably enjoy that one. I could actually go on all day. And please believe me this is only some stuff. Sometimes I honestly just sit and think 'what the actual fuckety fuck' I guess my main beef is the endless barage of mental abuse that goes my partners way and the effect it has on her. If I had a £1 for every time she's been in tears because of her old bag of a mum I could buy my new home cash. I really didn't want to get to the point of barring her from my life as I appreciate this isn't ideal. But I don't see any other way really. She is honestly one of the biggest c*nts I have ever had to deal with. What on earth is up with her? It's clear there's stuff going on here but I'm no shrink!
They say that if you want to know the woman you marry/partner then you need to look at the mother. You may need to have a rethink about your current situation
I have so much written down that I haven't put and I've added that stuff in no particular amazingly. I'd be going all day otherwise.
Sounds like she needs telling face to face what a pain in the arse she is. And as far as you are concerned you could not give a fuck what she thinks, and you are not having any more contact with her.
I have thought this mate. But I really don't want to be the catalyst that causes Armageddon in their relationship. I think my missus needs boundaries with her and perhaps this is exacerbated somewhat due to the lack of this also?
My advice (which just could be crap): let it all wash over you and try to see the funny side. Don't let it spoil your life and relationship. See if you can get some kinky sex from your missus as recompense - or, maybe forget that one and just see the funny side...
I think once the missus is away from it all I probably will see the funny side mate. Unless that's when the real nasty mind games will start? who knows? Luckily for me, I bagged myself one of those birds who makes a banging sandwich AND goes like the clappers as well They do exist !
Mate, you won't get any argument from me that some teachers and former teachers can be very difficult people. They spend most of their working lives, year in year out, lording it over 20-odd 10 year olds and then clearly find it difficult to accept that adults don't treat them and everything they say with the same reverence. Plus, IME, they are often also infuriatingly pedantic, meaning sensible conversations can spiral into surreal and stressful debates over two thirds of bugger all. That's easy. She's a bitch.
There you go concentrate on that! my mother in law was exactly like that same story the hubby bailed because she was a thundering bitch and she manipulated all situations, after me and the wife got married I bought a range rover and one night out to dinner the bag copped it she set about ragging her daughter/my wife about how needless and ridiculous it was this was the final straw of all her belittling so I snapped at dinner called he a jealous sour old bitter c**t her too sons my mates who I knew before my wife sat there and said nothing, I left in a huff and could here her berating the lads that they let me abuse her, she mellowed after that and over the years we respect each other she just knows she can't just give me her opinion and not get one back so good luck dude family is stressful!
Also............ my Mother suffered from dementia for some years. I was slow to get it, but my elder brother was quicker on the uptake. Things like always wanting to pay in cash and watching tv until the morning and then falling asleep for most of the day. Not cooking or eating well etc, etc, etc I think that because medical science has moved on in some ways in terms of keeping people alive but not in other ways - like dementia - people can act in strange ways. I wanna get a Supersport S - I hope that I'm not going mad!
Is she a bit of a looker Bud ? If so stick a photo up of her on the appropriate thread you know the one. Then we can all decide if she needs a good kick in the cvnt.
That's how I could potentially see this situation going if I didn't steer clear mate. Good on you for having the balls. Interestingly, not that I believe any of this stuff really. She's a cancer and I'm an Aquarius. Two of the absolute worst star signs to put together. She is absolutely a cancer and I am absolutely an Aquarius.
Balls had nothing to do with it as the name suggests I was well known for being Skitz back then it was all over I was stood there in the restaurant wondering how the fuck it happened you know that moment when you look around and literally everyone is going wtf is that assholes problem, but it served a purpose
