I have always believed in dealing with problems head on, fannying around the issue does not get it sorted. Yes I have upset a few people along the way, but people know where they stand with you. When I first met my wife, she had a real problem with saying no to people who she did not really want to engage with. After convincing her to refuse in a constructive way, her life became easier. Less demands on her time, and being able to take control of her life and time. And in general a lot more comfortable dealing with problems. We have been together 20 years, the real test has been this year in lockdown. We have not killed each other, “YET”.
Hi Hun! You are putting this up because you are exasperated!! Shame i’m not in the U.K. at the moment! You and I need another heart to heart! You are in a love triangle! You, missus and mum! Mum is craving what missus has! Not you! but what you offer and give! Your missus sounds like she’s sound as a pound but mother is and will continue to be a problem! I honestly think, the two of you need to face to face mum! You ask her direct questions (not allowing yes or no answers!). She needs to be tactfully put in her place! You are not children or thickos! She’s psychologically afraid that you can provide what she has in the past! You are competition that can make her feel incompetent! I’m not an Angony Aunt but I think tact, tenderness without being patronising or condescending will be the way to go! Involve her ! Ask her what she thinks of things. Ask her opinion ( you don’t have to go with it! You can appear to listen then say something like “I see where you’re coming from” or “good idea and that’s something we can think about”. She feels undermined and pointless! Ask her positive questions like “What do you think? What would you do?” You don’t have to do anything but just appear interested! Just my opinion. Stay strong hun and miss you
Thanks Kimmy. Some great words of wisdom there. hope you guys are well. Have a very merry Christmas ! x
Starting to sound like that Not the Nine O'clock News sketch about union negatiations I have a selection of daughters and a swivel chair. The youngest daughter will have to be phased in by 2023 though.
1. Good for you for getting it off your chest. 2. There’s some good advice on here, especially from guys who’ve been through it. 3. Cinders looks like a really attractive girl, I can see the appeal. Good for you. 4. Cinders has obviously learnt not to be like her mum, that’s the great news for you. Good for her. 5. Cruella is a good name for her. Picture that when she goes off, it’ll help you laugh at her. 6. The son has been spoilt rotten and is consequently f’ing useless. Don’t employ him or it’ll be your fault and your headache. That ones fairly simple but you’ve obviously got there. 7. Don’t let it do your head in, it’s her problem not yours. She’s trying to make it yours. It’s all about control. Borgo’s advice above is good he recognises it too. Cruella is scared shitless that she’s about to loose her daughter and major prop. She’s lost her husband, she doesn’t work any more so she’s got nothing better to do than mess around with others. Now her daughter is off, her power base is being eroded even more. Therefore whoever does this is the bad guy, not you personally. Suck it up, if you want that beautiful girl that’s the price. When she disappears upstairs it’s called ‘passive aggressive’. Leave her there. Don’t put Cinders in the middle. Avoiding Cruella isn’t going to solve it. You’re going to have to deal with it at some point. Above all keep calm. One way or another you have to show her she’s not going to boss you around. When she kicks off and runs you down look at her dead in the eye and smile. She’ll wonder what the hell that’s about but she’ll know she’s not getting to you. Even laugh at her stupidity. Personally I’d get Cinders out of there ASAP and not wait for the build, that could be ages away. At some point Cruella is going to have to be told though. Try to do it calmly, which will be difficult. If you don’t succeed on that one, don’t beat yourself up, mother-in-laws can be enough to drive a saint mad. My mother in law was an interfering old bat. Early in our marriage I had to sort it otherwise it festers. In the end she calmed down and we got on really well. Remember; It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.
Honestly mate, you're paying her far too much attention. She isn't going to change. She's a snob who's son is a bit of a loser, and she knows it. As soon as someone looks down on another for lack of "education" (please note inverted commas), pretty much all other opinions they have should be disregarded. If your wife is happy, just stay away. If you have to go, grit your teeth, and be thankful she's in her room. Just leave her off to do her thing. She's under your skin for no good reason. She has zero relevance to you. Just dust it off yourself, shrug, and stop worrying about what she says or does or thinks. You've done great for yourself. You know this. Honestly, what she thinks of you is completely irrelevant. She's just an unhappy person. Happy Christmas.
I'm sure you're not the first bloke that's not been good enough for the menopausal, controlling ole bat of a mother. Keep smiling and taking your pleasures plundering the daughter. If you require any further sage like relationship advice just let know... Nelson Proops
Dear Alvadez I can see your quandary. You like this girl but find her mum to be overbearing and attention seeking. I’d suggest you offer the olive branch, so your gurl knows you’ve done all you can. Maybe book a few days away for you all, spend some time getting to know her for who she is and away from your girl. For £9.99, and 4 editions of the Sun, you too could make her dreams come true and show her what a classy bloke her potential SIL is with a Sun Break. My fondest wishes this helps, Dierdre
