Ole Gunnar Solskjaer walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?" Cashier:"It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?" Solskjaer:"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Manager of Manchester United Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Solskjaer Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr Solskjaer but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Solskjaer,"Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque." Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque." "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?" Solskjaer stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue." Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Solskjaer
I've had four people ask me this week if my diary was free. It may look cheap but it was a whole quid from Poundland.
I was really upset when I was made redundant from my job as an interrogator with MI5. I don’t know what I’d done wrong. And I didn’t like to ask why.
Little known fact: Shakespeare worked in advertising for a camping equipment company, and his time there influenced the later works for which he is known: 'Now is the winter of our discounted tents..'
Apparently, an 82-year old woman has been on the telly talking about her intimate relationship with her 35-year old Egyptian toy boy. Anybody else getting mental images of a skydiver's open mouth???
I was watching Jurassic park the other day... When I thought "not only does my son have a really stupid name, he´s also a terrible driver".
Some say that 'I am' is the shortest sentence in the English language. We all know that 'I do' is the longest sentence...
Q: What do you get if you cross breed an Australian with a monkey? A: Nothing, monkeys know better than that Q: What is the 8th wonder of the world? A: An Australian with their mouth shut.
The French are threatening to block British boats from their Channel ports. They weren't so keen to block our boats on 6th June 1944 were they???
An Australian friend of mine said that "Australians are living proof the Aborigines interfered with the kangaroos".
I thought the word 'Caesarean' began with the letter 'S' but when I looked in the dictionary, it was in the 'C' section
Most of the rock legends of the 60s and 70s died young because of their utterly reckless behaviour: Jim Morrison used to snort huge amounts of cocaine. Keith Moon washed down his anti-alcoholism pills with champagne. And Marc Bolan let his missus drive....
In the days before spray tans my grandma used to put gravy browning on her legs. It was nothing to do with the war…….she just wanted to attract Yorkshiremen.
A study shows men addicted to online porn suffer short-term memory loss. In addition, a study shows men addicted to online porn suffer short-term memory loss.
My mate Dave has just been sacked from his job on the synchronised fireworks display team. Apparently he was bang out of order.
Our government has given the french £54 million to stop migrants crossing the channel in small boats. The french have ruthlessly enforced the new policy and now migrants can only leave if they have a large boat.
On a trip to Russia I was followed all round Moscow by a mysterious man wearing a yellow and black striped jumper and sunglasses. He was a cagey bee impersonator...
