I bought the wife some walkie talkies for our anniversary but she wasn't impressed. "Walkie talkies are the least romantic anniversary gift ever. This relationship is over," she said. "This is relationship is what? Over." I replied
Not riding your bike and keeping the mileage low to maximise the resale value is like not shagging your girlfriend to keep her fanny tight for the next bloke!
I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate, "I'm stuck on one, trapped on a desert island, eight letters, starting with M." He said, "Marooned." I said, "Thanks, I'll have a pint of lager then!"
Saudi Arabia has decided to be more lenient on convicted thieves: 1st offence - Chop your right hand off. 2nd offence - Chop your left hand off. 3rd offence - You get a slap on the wrist.
Nothing worse than after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick... Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started!
I was at the gym last night when I noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to get my finger in. Anyway, she’s now made a formal complaint and I’m banned for life.
Boobs are like the sun! Taking a quick look is fine, but staring isn't... Then again, that's what sunglasses are for!
There are 400 billion birds in the world, 250,000 planes, but only one Superman… So, in answer to your question, it's probably a bird!
Saudi Arabia are pioneers in Hand Transplantation. This is just in case someone wins their appeal for a Theft Conviction.
Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three fucking hours ago!
Some information about the “Premature Ejaculation Dinner & Dance Night” Dress Code: Just come in your pants!
My friend lost his job as a TV meteorologist for taking home the weather symbols hidden under his hat... He left under a cloud!
As a show of solidarity with the 800 sacked ferry staff, our local orchestra has boycotted the use of piano..
