Following on from Doncasters signing of a One Direction member the English FA have decided to appoint Stevie Wonder as director of referees
Doncaster fans are said to be delighted after signing Louis Tomlinson from One Direction. It was thought they were originally trying to sign Titus Bramble.
Viagra is now available in powdered form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
Samantha Cameron has been slipping viagra into David Cameron's claret. At the last check he was just over 8 feet tall...
Liverpool football club, wishes to eradicate any use of the following words, which are usually offensive and which the club considers unacceptable: Title challenge Top four Europe Champions league
Going down on grandma is like eating a pork pie. You have to eat through the crust and lick up the jelly before you can get to the meat.
When I was six years old I asked the boy next door, "Have you ever tasted your Grandma's fanny?" He gagged and threw up. I took that as a yes.
paddy goes in to a florist and said, i would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend. the florist lookd at him and said, certainly sir, what is it you are after? paddy replies "my hole".
Sex has gone downhill, so I bought the wife an orange dildo. She said it looks like a giant carrot, which is ironic as her fanny looks like a donkey yawning.
My mate Paddy called me last night. He said, "My dog had nine puppies 12 weeks ago and now apparently they are worth £600 each." "Fucking hell, mate," I said. "Drinks are on you then!" He said, "I'm not selling them." "Why not?" I asked. "Well," he said, "if they're worth £600 each now, can you imagine what they'll be worth in 10 years?"
Paddy n Mick, are having a drink watching the football in Micks house. At full time Paddy gets up to go home but notices it's pissing down with rain. "Stay the night here Paddy, I'll go and make up a bed for ye". When Mick came back down stairs, Paddy was drenched to the skin...... Mick says, "What the fuck happened to you?" Paddy says,"I went home for my pyjamas!"
Iv'e got a little back problem, I think my posture is out. Not an accurate diagnosis, its just a hunch!
I always thought the boy who took my lunch money at school was a bully. One day, he was ill. I tasted my first ever school lunch, and it was then I realised he was actually a selfless hero.
I've just bought a packet of cigarette papers. It said on the packet, "Cut Corners," so I left the tobacco out. It was shit.
I saw 1980's rappers, 'Salt N Pepa', working at the local Tescos collecting trolleys. They still like to push it, push it real good.
Dictionary meaning of Bukkake: When mommy & daddy & daddy & daddy & daddy & daddy & daddy & daddy really love each other..
Two people have sex is called a twosome... Three people have sex is called a threesome... Four people have sex is called a foursome... Now I know why they call me handsome.....
