My wife of 44 years annouced recently that she doesn't love me any more, I'm not looking for sympathy but you may want to be aware of the pitfalls of an apparent new found freedom. Once the initial shock, surprise, anger and bewilderment had passed, reality bites and you realise you didn't die and there's a life to be lived. The first thing you get is who your real mates are, they're the ones that check you're alright, months after the event, they include you in their plans regardless of your new status, others however express their horror once, then treat you like toxic waste, as soon as you're not a couple the invites stop, your names not on the list, you're not coming in. So once you are bored of snacks not meals, no one to cook for, shop for, care for, you soon turn your attention to dating sites, beware.....they are fraught with danger. The art is to work out initially if the approaches are genuine, lots of pretty pictures from all over the world, lots of long love letters, written in pidgeon english, computer generated bollocks, photos that can't be the same girl, names and details that don't match, extraordinary levels of bullshit, signing on with one name then signing off with another, asking for a facetime call generally flushes them out. If the initial message comes from outside of the agency, bin it, it means they have got your details from the agency and chancing their arm, from the Far East, America, The Middle East and Eastern Europe, look out for inconsistancy and bullshit, it would be very easy to be fooled by a pretty girl, as they say, "there's no fool like an old fool." I hope none of you go through this, if you do, I hope this helps. I still have the one true love of my life, My bike.
I left my wife in 2017, it was a really toxic relationship for me where I lost all my confidence and self esteem; the part I relate to is around the friends, I withdrew and kept myself to myself, not speaking ill of her, but she played the victim and did quite the PR job on a lot of my oldest closest friends. still today, as I write this, I text with a few of my mates from that time but never more than chit chat, and I probably see them twice a year, where as their social calendar is busy with my ex. It’s been super hard to take and it’s a dimension I never thought I would have to deal with. All the best as you navigate through it
You haven't mentioned whether you have kids or not, if so I hope their outside of the hateful scope of the CSA. I've seen so many friends and family go through this, my advice would be to leave the dating sites and women alone and work on yourself. Your health, your wealth and education. Adjusting to being on your own after along partnership can be tough, but needs to be done before considering a new relationship, horrible mistakes can be made out of the desire to have someone/anyone fill the void. Good luck.
I've seen several mates go through this, never easy to watch. Best thing I did was to pick up the phone and talk, go round for a coffee or whatever beverage floats your boat. You're right it does show who are your real mates. Sadly men are crap at reaching out to those friends where there has been time or distance that's meant a loss of contact. We over think the causes, mostly it's just life getting in the way. Nelson is right, work on yourself, understand what went wrong, and more importantly why. If you want to dive back into relationships, go for it, but my advice would be not to get serious until you can honestly look in the mirror and say you've done the work on understanding yourself, what you want and what you don't want. Most of those I've known just get themselves a new partner and repeat the same mistakes. Having your own and some shared interests and outlook are vital. Good luck.
No doubt break ups with partners can be very tough -emotionally, financially plus all the division of property, friends and horrifyingly -children in some cases. But its also a chance to do things you've mused about for sometime. Sail, climb, travel, play loud music, ski, snowboard, fish, skydive, run, ride, buy cars, bikes & boats (and keep them in the lounge if you want). You can't get your old life back. But you might find that your new life gets much better than you expected.
been thinking about this for a while, we split up before, "when the love turns to hate" ,landing up boozing a lot and doing loads of gear, got bit dark in the end. last thing on my mind would be a new bird, a mate of mine was 28 yrs married, split up and within 6 months or so was with a new one, within a year bought a house together, i wont take sides, it takes two to tango, but its turned into a massive mistake. we got back together again and all seems good, but made a point of handling it very differently if it happens again, i did the grieving about it all once before, never again. never. honestly, within a week id be gone, put work on hold and just disappear east, i mean get on a bike and just head east, Azerbaijan eventually, and then after head south, turkey, jordan, wherever and whenever
I’m sure it’s more complicated but the last line of your post my be a clue, if indeed a clue is what you’re looking for Either way chin up, more fish in the sea and all that, if indeed more fish is what your are seeking Re reading my post makes me think I should possibly find a career in marriage guidance.
Sound advice, thanks, kids are grown up with kids of their own, they just try and make it ok without picking sides
Proceed dating apps with caution learn to love yourself and be happy in your relationship with yourself the rest will follow. It's easy to jump onto the first bit of kindness shown when your at your lowest get riding those bikes my pm box is always open
And if you're only "jumping on" casually, for recreational purposes, its likely to be good clean fun!
A buddy of mine could probably rival farmer Giles in a ploughing match with his post split explotes...
