You will come to realise, in the fullness of time, that you are better off without her, given how she now feels. However, it will be painful and take time. Meanwhile, look after and treat yourself well. All the best
Try to remain philosophical a relationship by definition is the working of two together, when it stops it isn’t failure but a change of direction Keeping your emotions in check will be your biggest priority, I found these wise words helpful when it was my turn for the black dog. Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. (Above all avoid whiskey, good luck.)
Yup - be careful with the self-medication. There's a ton of (self) help available on-line these days, which will guide you through the emotional and psychological changes you'll be going through. If you do end up in court, be on your guard as the person you'll meet there will not be the person you married.
Sadly the one thing I have learnt is to record everything, all contact, dates, times, content. Every asset, every penny spent. Get professional advice. If you ever end up in a contentious separation or divorce, there is nothing better than evidence. Notebooks or diaries, bank statements and notes of conversations and meetings. Nelson is right, the person you divorce is not the person you were in love with. They will be being advised, in the broadest sense and it will not be to be fair, it is confrontational and adversarial. Be prepared.
A word of warning, these sites are phishing central, all starts with a very pretty girl, and a very agreeable message that then wants to contact ouside of the site. I give out my phone number, not much they can do with that. The next picture is a slightly more revealing one, can I have your email? do you have dogs? what are their names? where do you live? all the bits of detail but no real details about them, lots of unanswered questions I always ask them to facetime on Whatsapp, what with it being free and all that, That's when they disappear, amazing. They are looking for someone to fool, no fool like an old fool.
In the same boat here, wife of 15 years and I decided to part in early December last year, fortunately on very amicable terms after a few weeks of stressing over everything, we’re now still sharing the house until it’s sold, and basically living as good friends - neither of us wants this to be a shit show and now we have put her rotwieller of a solicitor back in her box, the divorce settlement is agreed on mutually agreed terms we are both happy with. Beware solicitors and do your homework, it doesn’t need to be as painful or expensive as they say provided you know the process. Mine fortunately has been pragmatic and empathetic albeit at £270+vat per hour…. last year was super stressful, shit job, elderly mum in hospital 6 times and complications of my own health condition (ulcerative colitis & suspected prostate issues - all ok in the latter!) and piss poor self esteem and confidence hidden behind a confident facade… I was a mess. Got a great new job in October but the damage was done to the relationship and we decided to part before we resented each other. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster but keeping it amicable has helped. We are having a laugh and still go out to dinner together, there’s still love but we just can’t live together. one thing I’ve learned is who your good friends are, they will look out for you. It also helps to have an escape… mine has always been my bike, but being a fair weather rider, having no escape has been tough… that changed last weekend, first ride, fookin’ marvellous! so now we’re sorting, packing stuff, making charity donations and cleaning out so much crap, it’s almost cathartic! House is up for sale, we’ll take decent equity and then house buy for me and my two dogs, plus another bike or two when the dust settles. Well that’s the plan!
I think I'm beginning to understand the phishing angle, it's becoming very obvious. I think AI is the basis of the replies, whatever you state as an interest comes back with a comment on that with no added info. So if you stated that you prefer to open bananas from the middle like a gorilla rather than from the end like most humans, the reply would be that it's great that I open my bananas that way, it will use the content you gave it and reply to that. It becomes very clear after a while, if you mention the word phishing, they are gone like a flash, even in a cautionary way, "be careful of phishing," gone. This is where the danger of AI will be, don't get me wrong, we have used it in our business, at the moment it is resonably easy to tell if it's real or not, it will get harder as time goes on, beware
it’s a bloody hoot to ride, almost feels like a big MX bike, feels very “chuckable” and plenty of beans for arsing about! £4K well spent!
