1000 Things Not To Do During Sex

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by El Toro, Nov 4, 2013.

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  1. Just found this page started on FB.....................points so far include:

    1. Right after you finish, don't yell "TITTY TWISTER" or "PURPLE NURPLE" and twist her nipples really hard.
    2. Before you finish, yell "fire in the Hole!"
    3. Cry.
    4. As you finish, yell "This is Spaaaarta!".
    5. As you change positions, shout out "Autobots Transform!".
    6. Right when you're about to cum, yell " GO WEB GO!"
    7. As soon as he finishes, pull out a pregnancy test and say "fingers crossed".
    8. Afterwards, say "Your money's on the dresser".
    9. After, pat her on the bum and say that'll do donkey... that'll do.
    10. Shout "expelliarmus" just before you cum.
    11. Don't say during "ah, just like mum"

    :biggrin:
     
    #1 El Toro, Nov 4, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  2. just sust out why im not getting any.
     
    #2 finm, Nov 4, 2013
  3. Shouting out your ex wifes name is never a good move.
     
    #3 749si, Nov 4, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  4. tip, allways call your wife babe,then you will never get her nam wrong, lesson lernt there.
     
    #4 finm, Nov 4, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Yes - I've seen the film...:wink:
     
    #5 Nelson, Nov 4, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Don't: Take her from behind & whilst part way through, whisper in her ear, "Your sister's tighter.."


    Unless you want the rodeo ride of your life....
     
    #6 Rudolph Hart, Nov 4, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  7. always get the kissing out of the way first.
    the festive season maybe upon us

    but nothing worse than a kiss after your biatch is trying to snowball you :eek:
     
    #7 Phill, Nov 4, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2013
  8. 9 is a quote from " Babe" "that'll do Pig that'll do". :) probably best not to smack some poor woman on the arse while saying that !
     
    #8 He11cat, Nov 5, 2013
  9. Probably best not to pop on your " Best of The Macc Lads " tape :)
     
    #9 He11cat, Nov 5, 2013
  10. Don't: Ask her where your letter from 'The Clinic' is, before you've finished.
     
    #10 Rudolph Hart, Nov 5, 2013
  11. Mrs C: How many people have you slept with?

    Me: Hmmm let me think. 1,2,3,4,5, You,7,8,9,.... :biggrin:
     
    #11 Mr C, Nov 5, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  12. Who you going to satisfy with that little thing me honey me.:smile:
     
    #12 Martin o, Nov 5, 2013
  13. Don't say " ere love you know that brown paper bag the veggies came in earlier ? ... Go fetch it will you!

    If really bad tell her to fetch the poly bag instead :)
     
    #13 He11cat, Nov 5, 2013
  14. But.................you said you didn't mind the bum being smacked.......:wink:
     
    #14 Ghost Rider, Nov 5, 2013
  15. I'm in charge of that thank you very much !!!!!! :)
     
    #15 He11cat, Nov 5, 2013
  16. Don't take her from behind over the sofa, swap positions with your mate/brother, then wave at her from outside the lounge window.
     
    #16 Mac, Nov 5, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Fuck me, just spat my coffee over the screen!
     
    #17 Fitzjnr, Nov 5, 2013
  18. if i remember correctly.
     
    #18 funkyrimpler, Nov 5, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Apparently the young uns are into Eiffel Towering ?
     
    #19 He11cat, Nov 5, 2013
  20. This is doomed to descend into The Urban Dictionary thread :)
     
    #20 He11cat, Nov 5, 2013
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