Don't smack your kids !

Have you had a bit to drink?

 

I agree, I have an 11 and 9 year old. It's just your post is bit of a crazy emotional out pouring. :frown:

 

Kids need a good smack in the bottom every now and then. It happened to me and I think I turned out "normal". I can't judge in your situation but if you give fair warning and they still don't understand a good smack in the fanny is in order.

 

What kids need is to hear the word 'no' occasionally and learn that 'no' means 'no'.

What they don't need is physical violence. I absolutely agree with the OP.

 

I'm not sure I agree.

its horses for courses and different children will benefit from a different style of punishment IMO, but I must stress it depends on the parents ability to curb violent enthusiasm and not go over the top.

the point you make about smacking your child so hard it left a hand print is probably most poignant and why you feel so strongly.

The problem is where the line is drawn, is a small smack on the ass such a bad thing? I don't think so, especially if done in the right manner and backed up strongly with the words 'NO' or 'STOP' etc etc

If you just smack / beat your children then you have issues, if it's however part of a learning curve for the child and no amount of previous attempts of vocal warnings have sunk in then 'sometimes' the child sees no consequence for his/her actions and IMO that's a far more dangerous outcome.

a lightish smack on the ass clearly followed up by the message you've been trying to get across is more likely to get that to sink in.

I had a smacked arse a few times when I was little but I don't hold the grudge, it simply made me better and learn quicker. It also gave me an understanding of authority and why they are trying to tell me to stop doing something (to save me from myself)

In an ideal world standing back and just gradually building up the loudness and viciousness of the word 'NO' would work, but in some cases it simply doesn't.

I have a lot of friends all with young kids as we're all at that age where family's have started during the past few years, some of these kids are extremely well behaved

however some are frankly abismal, nothing short of totally unruly and damn right little brats. I can honestly say hand on heart these kids in question have attempted to be bought up the 'PC' way where neither parent has any air of authority over them and they constantly stand there looking weak and feeble when their child is once again breaking something, pushing another child or something equally wrong. In some cases these particular childrens actions put the other kids at risk, mine included.

A smack on the ass at the right time would have solved that, it doesn't need to be a beating, it doesn't need to be done with venom, but talking to them, taking their toys off them or anything similar simply does not work as they don't understand that. They are always the family's that pack the kids up early at party's or gatherings simply because their kids force them in to feeling so ashamed they'd rather just get out of there.
Kids understand consequence....unfortunately at the moment they haven't seem any of that so they simply carry on, one day it'll be a terrible outcome. At which point I can guarantee you the parents (my friends) would have wished they'd of just gave them a little smacked arse much earlier.

Beating a child is wrong, violence towards children is wrong, plain and simple. But I would like to retain the right to school my children in the manner I see fit and if that very occasionally requires a smacked ass then so be it.

Id like to point out our eldest girl is 9 (nearly 10 don't you know), she's been smacked probably 3 times in her entire life and sent to bed.
She's a top grade student, one of the most polite and pleasurable kids anybody could ever meet and frankly I wouldn't change a thing because she knows when we tell her something its worth listening too.


each to their own though

 

I'm pro-smacking, definitely. The problem comes with the parents.

Smacking is a very useful training tool, it very clearly draws a line between good and bad. I'm not talking about disabling the poor little blighter, just a sharp smack on the arse that's firm enough to show them with certainty that they've done wrong. Christ knows there are plenty of kids around that need a bloody good wallop these days. The big question is whether or not the parent is in control of his/her emotions enough to dish out the smacks with consistency. If they're just smacking them cos they've got the hump, the kid ain't gonna learn anything.

I was walloped as a kid, as were most people my age, and we haven't turned into psychopaths or social lepers. I don't really know what the anti brigade are so upset about. Sure there are some bad parents out there, but do you really believe banning smacking will stop them being bad parents?

We see far more gang crime these days, far more gun crime, far more bullying, far more drug crime, and the only reason we see more academic improvement is because the government keep widening the goalposts. This, to me, seems to coincide with a ban on corporal punishment in schools. I've worked in a few reform schools where any kind of punishment is banned, and in just about every one of them the tutors will say that most of the kids just need a firm hand - ie a good smack every now and then. I also have a couple of mates who went to Send detention centre - the infamous 'Short Sharp Shock' centre of the 70's and 80's. They came out of there markedly different boys to the ones who went in, now well-rounded family men, they remember vividly the lessons they learned at Send, and why they were taught them. It did those two blokes a power of good, and they're the first to admit it.

But there has to be balance. All this corporal punishment comes to nothing without reward; you have to excite and encourage kids, make life fun for them, that's how they learn in the main, punishment is only for the outer limits of bad behaviour. But how do you replace corporal punishment? Sitting the little shit in 'the naughty chair' is nothing more than public humiliation, and the kid ain't gonna react well to that, far better to smack their arse and then explain what the smack was for.

 

I used to get a wooden spatula or a moleskin slipper across the cheeks. Probably stopped me from being a lot naughtier than I could have been. Didn't leave me with any permanent issues.

 

I had a tough strict Father but was never smacked, he was assertive and a displinarian and we had no doubts about what was right and what was wrong, however he was also kind, loving and interested in us. As an adult, I now have a very close relationship with him and I'm sure that's go a lot to do with the fact we were never smacked.

consequently I have never smacked my children, and they are two lovely well behaved and polite children, I'm certainly not soft but I just can't see why a smack would have improved a difficult situation, friend of ours seems to smack his kids all the time, their behaviour is terrible, so the smacking is meaningless, just him letting off steam.

 

My dad would wallop us (me and my brothers) maybe once a year at most, normally just the threat of it was enough. And I can remember every single smack, but not in a fearful way, each one underlined a bout of bad behaviour on my part and I fully understood the relationship between the behaviour and the punishment. In each case I never did that bad thing again. I spoke about it to my dads years later when I was living with a woman with two very badly behaved kids.

He said that he hated hitting us, and did his best to talk to us each time and explain why he hit us (which he certainly did well, but then every time he'd end up telling us about all the bad things he used to get up to...gave us too many ideas...). I later learned why he hated smacking us when I did the same to my girlfriend's kids, but the fact is their behaviour improved immensely. Even though I split with her more than twenty years ago her two sons still call me Dad.

 

And that's where it all goes wrong, with the parent, not the kid. Punishment in any of it's guises has to be measured and controlled, not dished out willy nilly. The difference between us is that I think a well placed smack has a more long-lasting effect.

 

Smacking is a way of installing a lesson quickly and permanently. I only smack my kids when they do something that is immediately highly dangerous, that I never want them to do again and that they need to know.

It's really important to me to try and explain to my children why they are expected to behave a certain way and why somethings aren't acceptable, but there will occasionally be a time when you can't rely on them understanding the concepts you need to explain and that's when a smack is useful.

I can't think of an example right now, as it has hardly been needed in the 7 years I have been a father, but think of something really dangerous that your child is about to do. Like sitting on the window sill on the second floor, with the window open and their legs out the window. That experience is probably quite thrilling for a 4 year old, and having the risk of falling explained might not be enough for them to realize the danger they were facing.

 

My hardest lesson came at 17 when my dad punched me. Something happened to me during my teens, and I turned into a proper nasty little shit (but sweetness and light when I got home of course). I'd been arrested again, for crimes that don't need discussing here, but I was usually pretty cute with the old bill for fear of my parents finding out. They were having none of it this time, and the copper decided the best thing he could do was tell my parents exactly what I'd been up to. He was right. My dad went every colour of the rainbow before aiming a punch at my chin. This was not the dad I knew, he really scared me. My life of crime stopped in the split-second of time between his fist hitting my face and me hitting the floor. I never re-offended.

 

i blame the parents……

 

Exactly. I was good as a kid, it was only when I formed my own opinions that I got into trouble...

 

The whole point is to frighten them.