Under what circumstances would you hit an adult person? In self-defence? To restrain them from harming themselves or others? Because you had lawful authority to do so? Well, the same applies to hitting children. Just because they are small and weak, that does not mean you require any less (or more) justification for hitting them than for hitting an adult.
There's no confusion between parenting and punishment, a bad act has to be punished, in whatever way that takes, that is the entire point of parenting. It's the level of punishment that gets parents frothing. And quite honestly I fail to see much difference between pro-smacking and anti-smacking - it's personal choice. There are good families and bad families; the good family might beat the living shit out their kid, but still produce a socially acceptable child, while the bad family sweet-talk their offspring straight into prison. Swap punishments and the result would largely stay the same. A good family will bring their young up to a good standard, whether or not they choose to smack. The bad family will fail their child. That is the way it is. Talk about pro- or anti-smacking is largely irrelevant.
I completely agree, I personally don't feel there is any justification for hitting or smacking a child.
I have raised 4 (3G & 1B). They've gone on in life (youngest is 21), 2 to become teachers, 1 a professional dancer and 1 a Psychotherapist. We have (and always have had) a VERY close and loving relationship and I'm confident none of them are mentally scarred from the rare smack they got on the rare occasion they were exceptionally naughty as children (and no...it wasn't my Son who became the dancer :biggrin. There IS a difference between a carefully measured "smack" to reinforce discipline in a child ..... and child abuse.
To teach them, Pete. Nothing more. We're not talking about beating the little blighters to death, we're talking about a level of tutelage. You may be mistaking this thread for the Ian Watkins thread. Totally different subject.
There are two points this thread has reminded me of: Firstly, and this only applies to adults, and ones in the army at that - my first Troop Staff Sergeant used to give us the choice of face or chest. I always chose chest because you could hide how much it hurt a bit better once you got your breath back. I much preferred a smack in the chest to a long drawn out paperwork punishment. And I know this is in no way related to discipling children, but I think emotional manipulation is much worse than a quick slap and we all move on. Again, I want to emphasise that this doesn't in any way relate to children. It just reminded me. He kicked me in the head once too, when I did something life threateningly dangerous, but once his boot returned to the floor, it was never mentioned again. I learned my lesson, our relationship continued as normal with no hard feelings and I didn't repeat the mistake. The concept of him being in charge and me needing to learn a short sharp lesson, without damaging our relationship does compare to smacking your kids in a small way. The second thing I am reminded of is that there is an all pervading aversion to slapping chicks. I won't harm a female unless she is trying to harm someone else in a big way, i.e. trying to kill or abuse or stab or something like that. However, this knowledge that men won't hit chicks leads to some chicks to behave in an absolutely atrocious way. Again I think this compares to children requiring a smack. If there is nothing they fear then no threat you can make will them think twice before they misbehave. Again, just to make things double clear - I don't hit chicks, although so times I think they might benefit from it, and I don't think you should kick your kids in the head.
Bad parenting is bad parenting. Whether or not you smack a child, so you may have poor parents who allow their kids to express themselves by being unruly rude or plain downright nasty and they are not subjected to discipline of any description that is poor parenting, so is beating your child at every excuse without providing the stable open and safe environment for them to develop. any fool can give birth it takes determination, love, heartbreak honesty and example to raise children. I am of the opinion that kids are smacked because of a parents reaction, a parents loss of control, whether through fear, alarm, anger. Yes I was smacked as a kid did I turn out ok? Yes I think so, do I advocate hitting my child, nope. That would be my reaction, I agree with Pete , if you were at work and a colleague was annoying you, not doing what you wanted would you smack them, only if you either wanted to get smacked/punched back or arrested for assault. You cannot reason with a toddler but personally a raised voice saying no or even my fave 'listen' generally stops kids. There are and always will be unruly kids that no matter what you do will push the boundaries because they have not had them shown to them, in the same way the vast majority of kids are reasonable polite little people whose parents are doing a difficult job. Lawfully we are allowed to chastise children without weapons and without leaving marks, but if you smack and it doesn't have the desired effect where do you go to next? Escalate the level of violence? Back down? Difficult one.
When my wife was expecting my son, 22 years ago, I was seriously worried that I might become a child murderer such was the anger I felt when I'd hear one screaming or throwing a tantrum in a public place.I think however that it is quite different when the child is your own, and I have never hit my son or felt inclined to do so in all that time. I think we are no different to wild animals in that they will mete out physical violence if required to teach a lesson although if done too often it loses its effect. I think as well that male humans are no different to say male lions, where if a male lion takes over a pride, the young members are in serious physical danger as the new male wants to enforce his own blood line. I've noticed that if I ever hear of a young person being seriously harmed or even murdered, it is very unlikely to be by the true parent but highly likely to be by the adoptive male!
Hang on a minute, we're talking about smacking a child in order to discipline them, not beating the crap out of them. Let's stick to the general gist of the thread please. It's been very interesting up to now.
I think the general consensus from all posting seems to be pretty fair and just wanting to do the right thing for your kids. Thats the hard thing about parenting, nobody can teach you fully what it's about or what to expect. yes you can learn from your own experiences being a child and if you're lucky enough to remember what worked on you and what didn't then you tend to adopt those things. I guess the main issue is what happens if they/she brings this new law in to place? I don't condone any form of child abuse, beatings and/or things of that ilk, I do however believe in a smacked ass if you've been a naughty little boy/girl and it's the best way to deal with the situation that presents itself. How would it be policed over and above the current laws in place? I'm not convinced it could be. For example I would never, ever smack my child in public. IF and when we ever get to the requirement of a slapped ass it will be done in private, explained fully and then sent up to bed. In the morning we'd discuss, try and make them understand and carry on with a new approach to things. So how can anybody police that? Furthermore what gives anybody the right to tell me / you how to bring up your kids? Some women you've never met and couldn't possibly be experienced in every unruly or dangerous situation 'our' kids could get themselves in? again, we're not talking about child abuse or beatings here, we're talking about a smacked ass. For those against smacking I respect your belief and this law wouldn't effect you. For those who want to parent in our own way then isn't this just another nanny state bullshit law?
I can't remember ever being smacked as a kid although my mum says I was ! What I do remember though is being forced to eat food I did not like. Sundays could be hell . Wretching over my plate with cold cabbage or sprouts in my mouth. Or trying to chew some nasty piece of liver full of tubes ! I still hate this shit. As a result I never forced my kids to eat anything they didn't like. My daughter adopted this attitude too . Her kids eat anything. My parents also told me I would die if I didn't eat what was put in front if me. Lies as well as abuse. I love my parents, they have given me more than I deserve and still do. I'll never forgive them for the totally shit times I was given at the table though. This might seem trivial now but when you are five or roundabout, it really is hell . Due to this thread I asked my two (separately) if I had been a good dad regards punishment . They both said if we got it we probably deserved it. I think I may have got the balance right.
