Clutching at straws a bit aren't we? Sprog is a perfectly acceptable term for an underling. So educate me. Chances are I've already used 'em, but try anyway...
Not saying its easy, plenty of times I've felt like walloping them, but I never have crossed that line. Fig, there is no magic formula, I had my children later in life so didn't have many of the pressures some parents have, we had money, a decent house and my wife didnt have to go back to work. So I was in a situation where I had plenty of time, patience(lots of it) and have managed to bring up two well mannered, very well behaved children without having to smack them. We will never agree on this, but I am sorry I just don't feel it is necessary.
I don't know what I think about this really. I was smacked frequently as a kid, by my old man for not very much, because he had a very short temper and would fly off the handle at the slightest thing. No, it wasn't beneficial, but I still love him very much. You can't choose your parents, they are who they are, and to be honest he was a good role model in many other respects. Just not all. My mother would smack my brother and me infrequently, but when we's been told repeatedly to stop doing something and we carried on regardless. Once we'd been smacked, we stopped. Is there a link between parents reluctant to smack their kids and the total lack of respect the youth seem to show to any authority these days? Not if you read this thread there isn't, but I'm not so sure. You see parents whining "Oh don't do that Timmy!" and Timmy carries on because he knows there is no risk attached. Frankly a short smack to show you mean business and that there is a line that is not to be crossed seems beneficial to me. Kids need to know boundaries and an infrequent smack shows them where it is. I think that fear is a motivator. You get into work on time because you are worried about the consequences of being frequently late. The whole of the law is based on fear. Life is carrot and stick. But if you can be a perfect parent with wonderfully well-adjusted and well brought up kids whom you have never laid a hand on - all kudos to you.
There seems to be a number of people on here linking bad behaviour of children with an absence of physical punishment when there is absolutely no link between the two. Sure fear is a motivator, but is it the best motivator ? because there are certainly other options. What children need is quality time with their parents, not physical punishment when they do wrong.
I dont disagree with you. but the other week when I was on about parental leave to improve the quality time I was basically told by some I shouldnt be working or in as many words I was a lazy c@nt and sponger lol. (even though its at my expense and hrt payer) I agree your way should always be the 1st way. thankfully like some others here when I raise my voice thats enough
It is about personal choices and responsibilities, unfortunately those choices and responsibilities sometimes come into conflict with others, but they are still yours to take.
Sadly there are far too many adults who are not responsible enough to be given those personal choices and responsibilities. But no amount of law changes will alter that, it's just the way it is. Some people make good parents, others don't, regardless of what methods they use to bring up their offspring.
If you feel like walloping your child, walk away and come back to the issue when you're calm. I never smacked my boys because I was angry, I did it calmly and rationally. Wallop? No, a smack. Let's just compare apples and apples, yeah? I'm sure it's possible to bring up children without smacking, and have them turn out just as well as your two. I wouldn't suggest that smacking is compulsory, only that it remain an option, in line with the current guidelines. As for money (and other) pressures, this is a major cause (in my opinion) for a lot of the stress that leads to the mistreatment of children during discipline. However, a family in meltdown will find plenty of ways to mistreat their kids, actively or through negligence. What is being proposed, the no smacking law, simply takes a useful tool away from responsible parents who know how to use it. That's just throwing baby out with the bath water (something already against the law, I gather). Hopefully, agreeing with people will never become compulsory under law :wink:
Nothing wrong with Sprog! Ours are 'The girl' or 'The boy' (yes we have 1 of each) or sometimes we refer to them as 1.1 and 1.2. We use their names to their faces of course
Another easy cop out. Either you want peolpe to take time and repsonsibility, or you dont. And one child is very much different to another, although I'd be amazed if, by explanantion alone, you could explain to your 18month old why looking left and right at the roadside first, or even not trying to run near the edge of the kerb, is a bad thing or that every dog isnt there to have its eyes poked at, or that toy her little friend is playing with she so deperately wants needs to be shared
I believe there needs to be "a line" and if that line's crossed x number of times then a clip round the ear and being sent to their room is an acceptable escalation. Acceptability of the use of physical punishment comes in large part to the extent it was used in your own upbringing I think, people who get knocked about by their parents in the heat of the moment will end up doing the same to their kids so I agree with the comment above about walking away, calling down and coming back. i call my two scroatlets on occasion but that's strictly a term of endearment!
Having read through the posts I have a few questions for those in favour of smacking :- Some posts have commented along the lines that a smack is an appropriate form of discipline with young children as youngsters are not mentally capable of understanding enough to respond to words at certain times. Would those that smack a 4 year old child for failing to understand and respond also smack a 44 year old adult with a mental age of 4 who also failed to understand and respond to something ? There are a couple of posts that mention that it is better to smack a child than for that child to get hit by a car. Hard to disagree with that in isolation but is anybody actually saying that their child almost ran in the road and in response, rather than hold the child lovingly and being delighted there was no accident, they decided to smack the child at that very moment instead ? Or was the smack delivered in advance as a warning ? Cant quite make sense of that so please explain if you have ever smacked your child as part of their traffic awareness education. How do you feel about corporal punishment in schools ? Is that ok or is physical discipline something that only parents should dish out ? Would you smack your children if they were likely to smack you back ? If a child has not responded to verbal discipline and you escalate to a smack, if that does not work what is the next step ? If in certain cases a smack really does solve the problem and is a genuine deterrent, should society consider smacking as a punishment for certain crimes ? For example if say a man of 25 is convicted of GBH, instead of community service or prison, should he be given a good beating ? An eye for an eye as the old book of fairy tales says. Please note that the above are all questions and not opinions.
And extreme examples raise their head again But to answer a couple as i made the statements. In the same way a child with a mental issue shouldn't be disciplined in that way, nor should a 44 yr old If a child runs into the road and isn't hit, time and time again even after 'reasoning' then a tap is relevant. If they've just been splatted likely an ambulance more so... IMO a regular smack isnt appropriate use. It becomes the same as 'no' to a small child. Parenting...its a minefield
although I have made a decision not to use smacking as a punishment for my children, I'm not sure if I believe it should be against the law to smack a child if the parent deems it an appropriate punishment. It would be impossible to police and I'm sure for some parents with challenging children it is a sanction that works. My argument is just simply that I strongly believe you can bring up children without corporal punishment, in my opinion most behaviour issues are down to poor parenting, a lack of love, lack of time spend with children, lack of interest or in most cases a lack of discipline and a strong male role model in the family (especially for boys) most of disruptive boys in my sons class lack a Father being around.
on behalf of all the parents here I'd like to say a huge thank you for your generous financial support
So everyone who smacks their child lacks love, time and attention then Carlos, and in fact are poor parents and the social services should remove the little darlings? just thought I'd join the extreme examples group
I have no idea what I would do with a 44 year old with a mental age of 4. Hopefully, I will be granted an opportunity to do research on how to care for such a person before being "put in charge" of them? Bradders has addressed this but I recall my own experience when my 2 year old son escaped from my grasp one time and ran into the road. There was no car but I smacked him on the backside and then explained again about kerb, waiting, danger, etc. My son will already have been aware of the rules when approaching the road but he obviously hadn't taken my "advice" to heart. He needed something more memorable to focus on, in my view. He was a toddler, he wasn't a young adult - clearly discussing this issue wasn't sufficient at his stage of development. A tricky question. I'm sure folks older than me will say, "Never did me any harm." Myself, I escaped it at school, due to dumb luck and the fact it was being phased out during my school life. Personally, I wouldn't approve or accept my children receiving corporal punishment at school, so I don't see why I should expect any other parent to accept it in respect of their own children. Not sure how to answer this. If your child is older and is capable of reasoning, there are hopefully no circumstances where you would smack them. If you are talking about a toddler trying to hit you back, then you take charge of the situation and do not allow an escalation into violence. You still talk to your kids, try to reason with them; the smack is only there to highlight issues that are dangerous, they are not for "winning" disagreements between you and your children. If you don't know what the next step is, you get advice, from as many sources as possible, on how to deal with the situation. I'm concerned though that you consider that a smack is a logical escalation from verbal discipline. I wouldn't use smacking in that context, I would use reason and verbal authority. You're the grown up, you know stuff the child doesn't know and you use that experience. You do understand that children are children, not little adults? You don't treat children and mature adults (or even teenagers) the same way. They are not the same thing. If I were to try to justify a beating for the 25 year old in your example, it would be along the lines of showing the guy the effect he had on his victim, to try to shame him into changing his ways. Not that it would ever work, in most cases I imagine. Still, you are talking about punishment. I didn't punish my children with smacks, I did it with long boring discussions on behaviour, being sent to their room for a time, withdrawal of privileges. The smacks were for saying "No, do not do this - ever!". As soon as the boys were capable of understanding exactly why they shouldn't do things, the smacks tailed off to nothing. Please note that the above responses are all opinions and not answers :smile:
Stop right there. Don't go blaming 'broken homes' for a lack of discipline; during my formative years every one of my friends came from 'broken homes', all but one having no contact at all with their dad. I was the only one who's parents were still together. But the majority of those kids were well behaved, honest, intelligent kids. I don't believe for one second there is any correlation between bad kids and absent parents.
