Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. After going to see 12 Years A Slave at my local cinema, I now understand how it feels to be exploited and robbed of your dignity by ruthless, mercenary overseers.

    £4.20 for a Pepsi Max.
     
    #4561 Rudolph Hart, Feb 2, 2014
  2. The boy cannibal was expelled from school for buttering up the teacher..
     
    #4562 Rudolph Hart, Feb 2, 2014
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  3. Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.
     
    #4563 Rudolph Hart, Feb 2, 2014
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  4. I'm as fit as a fiddle.

    My fiddle also sits in the living room all day doing fuck-all.
     
    #4564 El Toro, Feb 2, 2014
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  5. I got home and my wife was being fucked by the art teacher next door.

    "What the fuck is going on?" I yelled.

    "Do you want me to draw you a fucking picture?" He replied.
     
    #4565 El Toro, Feb 2, 2014
  6. If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a fucking accident?
     
    #4566 El Toro, Feb 2, 2014
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  7. Does the Art teacher come from next door or are your wife and the art teacher in the building adjacent to your house? This one is a little ambiguous.
     
    #4567 pingping010101, Feb 2, 2014
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  8. My bad. The art teacher lives next door. :frown:
     
    #4568 El Toro, Feb 2, 2014
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  9. My proctologist became a little uneasy when I slid my finger in alongside his...
     
    #4569 El Toro, Feb 3, 2014
  10. I just emailed my application form for the dominatrix club...

    I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission.
     
    #4570 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2014
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  11. Money isn’t everything, but it does keep the children in touch.
     
    #4571 Rudolph Hart, Feb 3, 2014
  12. [​IMG]
     
    #4572 El Toro, Feb 6, 2014
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  13. David Cameron denied that drinking changes his personality.

    He doesn't need alcohol to be a cunt.
     
    #4573 Rudolph Hart, Feb 6, 2014
  14. Q. What is the difference between Paul Walker & Philip Seymour Hoffman?

    A. 68 days..
     
    #4574 Rudolph Hart, Feb 6, 2014
  15. funny-sign-ghost-London-travel.jpg

    funny-sign-ghost-London-travel.jpg
     
    #4575 bootsam, Feb 6, 2014
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  16. I wish I'd found the Genie's lamp before I got stoned.

    Now I have two dune buggys and a penguin that keeps asking me how to drive a dune buggy.
     
    #4576 Rudolph Hart, Feb 7, 2014
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  17. My mate told me he went all the way on 'Flappy Bird' last night.

    Although I understand her real name is Sharon, & the correct terminology is 'Elongated Labia'...
     
    #4577 Rudolph Hart, Feb 7, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2014
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  18. I was in a bookshop and really lit up when I saw a book called "Living on £4 a Day".

    The fucker cost £12.95.

    ​
     
    #4578 El Toro, Feb 7, 2014
  19. I don't know why the athletes are surprised at the poor living conditions in Sochi.

    If you ban gays from your town your interior design is going to suffer.


    ​
     
    #4579 El Toro, Feb 7, 2014
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  20. The Irish ice hockey team have pulled out of the Winter Olympics after testing the facilities last night.

    Coach Paddy Murphy said "I'm not letting my boys out there it's too fecking slippy"


    ​
     
    #4580 El Toro, Feb 7, 2014
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