Football World Cup = frontal lobotomy. This is one of the few places I know where the vast majority couldnt give a shit about footy....and its lovely. For the record I have nothing against those who like it, but im really tired of the position it holds in society.
Stolen from the interweb : Firstly, imagine every time within a day that football is mentioned by someone else. Secondly, replace it with something that you don't want to hear about every day. Say... Archaeology. Then, think about how an average day would pan out. So, you awaken to the clock radio. It's 7AM. Just as you awaken, it's time for the news and archaeology already. Not news and other historical investigations, like library restorations or museum openings (unless there's another event happening), but just the news and archaelogy. Malaysian plane is still missing. Pistorius is still on trial. New dig announced in Giza. Ancient Mayan temple discovered. Exciting stuff. Time for a bite to eat over the morning TV. More news. More archaeology. Yes, you are aware of what is up with the missing plane. Fine. Now the archaeology in video format. Video of people dusting off some skulls and bits of pottery. All well and good, but archaeology isn't your thing. It would be nice to hear about something else. Even when it isn't archaeology season, the media follow noted archaeologists. They drive fast cars, have sex with beautiful women, advertise fragrances, and sometimes they go to nightclubs and act in the worst possible way. Scandals erupt as the tabloids follow these new celebrities when they're not searching the past for answers. It is entirely possible you can recite the names of certain researchers, even if you don't pay attention to archaeology. You don't know what transfer season is, but you know that someone was transferred to a dig in Peru for a sum of money that could fund the London Underground for two whole days. Out of the car at 8:55 and into work. What are the colleagues talking about, I wonder? Oh, Jones dropped a 3,890 year old pot and smashed it? What a useless wanker! Someone should do something unpleasant to him. And don't even ask about the unfortunate incident in Athens two years ago - you'll be there all day! Breaking a pillar like that! We don't talk about that here, mate. What? You don't want to discuss the finer points of the prevalence of phallic imagery in Pompeii? Is there something wrong with you? The drive home from work. Every thirty minutes, no matter the station, someone mentions the archaeology. Best sit in silence. Drive past a huge billboard with a black and white picture of a rakishly handsome archaeologist draped over an impossibly beautiful woman. He's winking at you. Trowel in his left hand, supermodel in the right. Jurassic, by Calvin Klein. And now the pub. A nice pub with a beer garden. Posters in the windows. LIVE EXCAVATION AT THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS! All of it on a huge TV with the volume up too loud. Drunken people yelling at the screen. "SEND IT FOR CARBON DATING, YOU USELESS CUNT!" "WHAT ARE YOU ON, MATE? DUST THE ANCIENT MEDALLION GENTLY! SMELTING METHODS OF THE TIME PRODUCED VERY SOFT AND IMPURE METALS EASILY PRONE TO DISFIGURATION!" All this from two men out of a crowd of twenty. One lousy drunken idiot and his chum ruin the image of other archaeology fans. Carbon dating report from the lab updates on TV, read by a man employed because they've been following the beautiful science since they were a boy. The drunk chimes in again. "WHAT PHARAOH'S REIGN DID YOU SAY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT THE UNDERPINNINGS OF OUR THEORY OF AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT OF 4TH BC EGYPT? GET IN, MATE!" A cheer cascades through the building and you can only wonder why. Best go home and avoid anyone who might be drinking and singing. You once met a disagreeable chap who threatened to beat you up because you didn't watch the archaeology. "Not a late paleolithic era supporter are you? Think you're better than me? I'll fucking have you, you scrawny cunt!" To bed. To repeat the cycle tomorrow. The inescapable, inevitability that wherever you go, someone, somewhere, is just dying to talk to you about the archaeology.
Well, I'm looking forward to the World Cup. Not in a pants-pissingly excited sort of way, just looking forward to it. Oh I know that many of the matches will be stultifyingly boring, that there will be undeserved penalties, and penalties not given and the whole thing will be totally unfair. But some of it will be amusing. The thing about the World Cup is that it's a global event, but one that more people in the world care about than any other. It's about the only chance that Third World nations can humiliate the USA (bring it on!). It's were South American countries that no one cares about suddenly become important, and where those countries with a big opinion of their influence in the world - Britain and France - get stomped on. Or not! It's all fun and games. If it really annoys you, stop reading the papers for a month, turn off the TV and spend time outside, go to a pub without a TV. Alternatively, amuse yourself by attaching a ridiculous plastic flag to your car - perhaps from one of the non-European no-hoper teams and treat the whole thing with a bit of light-hearted irony.
King Edward II issued a proclamation banning football on April 13, 1314 stating, "...there is great noise in the city caused by hustling over large balls from which many evils may arise which God forbid; we command and forbid, on behalf of the King, on pain of imprisonment, such game to be used in the city in the future" This law remains today! has never been repealed, therefore should not all players, supporters and advocates of this waste of time be locked up indefinitely
Football, vutball, shmutball, is rubbish! I would rather stick pins in my eyes than watch the bugger! There you go.
Global statistics will prove football a much more popular sport than rugby. Nuff said. Yeah, most players are pansies but now and then there is some real talent out there. Rugby, nah, not for me, I know I am a male.
You know what, I joined this forum to indulge my passion for Ducati and guess what? Here I am spouting on about a sport that for me is like watching paint dry. More fool me I say, what a tosser I am. Enough of this. I capitulate!:Eggonface:
I thought he brought out that particular edict as he was pissed off that the yoof were out kicking balls instead of getting archery prcatice. Either way maybe Pete1950 will chime in and offer to take the case on our behalf to the courts and all footie shall herewith be eradicated Just a thought
And global statistics will show Justin Beiber has sold more singles than Paul Weller. Your point being?
I also have a couple of tickets for Brighton but for the South Africans against Japan. Can't wait after going to see the aviva final sat, what a game that was.
That`s a very risky plan. Your average football fan will take that as a declaration of war. "GRRRRR, Glids got a flag on his car wot ain`t our flag, let`s have `im"
With good luck on our side England will get Knocked out in the first week and all the silly little flags can go away for another four years, whereupon all the footy fans can merrily continue to chirp on about 1966
I'm not English and not into football, but I would like England to win the bloody thing. Of course the rest of us will never hear the end of it, but they have had some crap luck, cheated, wrong decisions etc. I would honestly feel the need to support Northern Ireland, only they were crap and qualification is a distant memory. I seen NI getting stuffed by England once here in Belfast, Beckham come over to the stand and clapped. I thought, fair and decent, he didn't need to applaud the NI fans, but he did. I am only coming around, because some supporter has a bike in the garage for a 'sunny day' ride. So, if you can't beat them, join them. (maybe)
Well, the joke is that it would be great if England, by some strange fluke, actually won it. The good thing is that people aren't crapping on about the dream team, or the golden boys - expectations are low. You won't remember when Greece won the Euro a few years ago with a team containing no apparent stars and whose names no one could pronounce, so it can happen. I don't really care what happens so long as they try and win their matches. If it's all strategic draws and square balls, I'll be the first to complain.
i am not English or in to football i would like them to win also. :Wideyed: the wider the eyes the bigger the lies.
I love football. Love it. Can't wait. I'm supporting Uruguay btw. Seeing as Scotland are unlikely to ever qualify ever again.
