A friend of mine really loved steam trains. Last week he was run over by one & he was chuffed to bits.
Not really a joke as such, more a bit of mythbusting. Myth: Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the bollocks. Busted: A year or so after giving birth a woman will say "you know what, it`d be nice to have another baby." You NEVER hear a bloke say "you know what, I`d love another kick in the bollocks." Case closed.
Ducati rider breaks down in rural UK. Starts walking and finally comes to a farmhouse. knocks on the door and asks the farmer if he may use the phone to call the AA. Farmer says sure and makes the rider a cup of tea! Theyre sitting there chatting when suddenly the rider spots a large pig with 3 legs. Whats with the three leg'd pig he asks the farmer? Farmer: Ow laddie thats the best pig in the world....once my son fell in the reseviour and this there pig jumped in and saved my boy who could not swim....the other time my daugter was thrown from her horse and bashed her head. She was out cold....Pig ran all the way home and fetched me....great Pig!!! But why only 3 legs, asks the rider??? Well now you cant eat a good pig all at once now can you!!!:biggrin:
Words of wisdom: All men are cremated equal. Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.
Newsflash: The Royal Mail has just recalled its latest issue of postage stamps. They had pictures of cabinet ministers on them & people couldn't work out which side to spit on...
The Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called Not Poodle
I was reading in the paper today about a dwarf who had his pockets picked. How could anyone stoop so low.
Bet he was grumpy, definitely not happy, maybe sleepy ?.................................. I'll leave now.
A newlywed couple were in bed on their wedding night. The husband turned to his wife and said "Tell me something I don't already know about you!" The wife says "OK, I used to be a hooker" The husband was shocked and strangely aroused at the same time. He said "I cannot believe I did not know this but I am getting turned on, please tell me more!" His wife replies "Well if you are sure,,,,, my named used to be Nigel and I played for Wigan!!" I thank you!!
Ken Dodd What a lovely day for poking a cucumber through the vicar's letterbox, and shouting "The Martians have landed!" The old ones are the best...
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. But Powergen said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.....
I really had my girlfriend moaning last night........... "Give it to me, give it to me, God, I`m so wet, give it to me NOW!" she was screaming. I told her, "sod off, its my umbrella and I`m not sharing it."
I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.
