Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. I asked my mate, "Did you say your grandfather was killed by a Zulu?"

    He replied, "Yes, he was having a shit in the bogs at Whipsnade when the roof fell on him."
     
    #5301 Rudolph Hart, Sep 26, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  2. My wife ticks all the boxes.

    So I'm going to hide her postal vote ballot paper at next year's election.
     
    #5302 Rudolph Hart, Sep 26, 2014
  3. “I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.”
     
    #5303 Carr01, Sep 26, 2014
  4. One of my colleagues is retiring after 38 years service without taking any sick leave.

    Management have described him as 'dedicated'.

    Everyone else calls him 'that miserable bastard who kept passing his colds & bugs on to us.'
     
    #5304 Rudolph Hart, Sep 27, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. I was wondering if people find me self centered, but I think it's just me...
     
    #5305 Rudolph Hart, Sep 27, 2014
  6. An Irishman at a job interview was asked to fill in the questionnaire

    So he went outside and beat up the doorman.,
     
    #5306 Duck944, Sep 28, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  7. The wife says I have a short attention spanners are great aren't they?
     
    #5307 Rudolph Hart, Sep 28, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Q. What's black, white and brown, and writhes around on the floor?

    A. A nun with a monk on.
     
    #5308 Rudolph Hart, Sep 28, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. I had a weird dream last night.
    I dreamt that I was eating a giant marshmallow.......
    I woke up this morning and my pillow was gone!
     
    #5309 Duck944, Oct 1, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. Mr Singh goes into a grocery stores and asks the assistant for some loo roll.
    The assistant says "We have Andrex at £3 for two, or we have Charmin at 2.85 for two or we have these with no name at 50p for 4 rolls"
    Mr Singh says "I'll take the unnamed ones please" pays the assistant and leaves.
    The next day he's back at the store, and the assistant says "Have you come for the Andrex?"
    Mr Singh replies " No Sir, but I have got a name for those loo rolls that I bought yesterday"
    "Oh yeah" says the assistant "What's that then ?"
    Mr Singh replies "John Wayne"
    "John Wayne? "says the assistant "Why would you call them that?"
    Mr Singh says "Because they are rough, tough, and don't take shit from no Indians !"
     
    #5310 Duck944, Oct 1, 2014
  11. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and the barman says "Is this some sort of a Joke ?"
     
    #5311 Duck944, Oct 1, 2014
  12. A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?"
     
    #5312 Duck944, Oct 1, 2014
  13. It's a good one, but it was also a good one a few posts earlier...
     
    #5313 gliddofglood, Oct 1, 2014
  14. A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his trousers.
    Barman says, "That looks uncomfortable".
    Man repies, "Yeah, it's driving me nuts"
     
    #5314 GarySN, Oct 1, 2014
  15. a jump lead and a brain walk into a bar, im not serving yous says the barman , why?askes the jump lead,because your going to start something and your mates out of his head.
     
    #5315 idrinkbeer, Oct 1, 2014
  16. #5316 Borgo Panigale, Oct 2, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  17. The BBC is the DFS of sex abuse:

    Abuse now, pay 30 years later...
     
    #5317 Rudolph Hart, Oct 2, 2014
  18. My mate said his wife's pussy reminds him of a peach.

    I asked, "Is that because it is pink & juicy?"

    He replied, "No, it's because it's fecking ripe."
     
    #5318 Rudolph Hart, Oct 2, 2014
  19. Kim Jong Un has been found on google maps. Ex Marx despot.
     
    #5319 efcbluepete, Oct 13, 2014
    • Like Like x 7
  20. god, we haven't had a joke for ages.
    Mind you, if wroughtironman posted his jokes on the joke page...
     
    #5320 gliddofglood, Oct 13, 2014
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