On the post-referendum, new powers: consultancy and consultants, a short cautionary tale. A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture in the Scottish highlands when suddenly a brand new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and Yves Saint Lauren tie, leans out the window and says to the shepherd, "Hey, Mr sheep man, If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your herd, will you give me one?" The shepherd looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Aye, why not?" The guy parks his car, whips out his iPad, starts an app and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data to his Cloud Server and, after a few minutes, receives a response on his Blackberry. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep." "Aye, that's right,” says the shepherd, “och well, I suppose you can take one of my sheep, then." He watches the guy select one of the animals and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the trunk of his car. The shepherd says to the young man, "Aye, you’re smart man right enough, but if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give him back to me?" The guy thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a consultant," says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct," says the guy, "but how did you guess that?" "Och, it wasn’t much of a guess," answered the shepherd. "You showed up here out of the blue; you wanted paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked; even though you know nothing about what I do. Now, can I have my dog back?" Blatantly plagiarised from elsewhere, if it had been credited there I would have credited it here.
excellent, one flaw tho, i don't believe an English consultant wouldn't recognize the rear end of a sheep.
The Scottish don't have to know as they hunt in pairs and spit roast em - think it's called a clan (I know so much about Sctchland I should write a fukin book, Jimmy)
That's because a Scot doesn't recognise the word 'Scottish' (unless he sees a bottle of it and then he would call it 'whiskey'.............)
It's my experience that they love being called "Scottish". Makes them angry and by God, they love being angry.
I wonder what they call those hardboiled eggs in sausage meat and breadcrumbs............. ....possibly those 'Anglish Bustard Aggs'?
Prefer English ones. Fresher, fewer road miles. Anyone tried deep frying a fresh egg? I'd have thought it would explode.
