Got up this morning to find the Wife in the kitchen cooking my socks?? "What the Hell are you doing?" I asked? She gave a puzzled but concerned look and said "You asked me to do it when you came home drunk last night"
:biggrin::biggrin: I was expecting it to bob about for a bit, not Titanic its way beneath the surface?? Must have been a hole in it. :wink:
Edward Deidde, the man who spent his entire life explaining that his surname was 'Deed' has collapsed. He was airlifted to hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Two interesting facts about me. 1) My willy is the same length as 3 Argos pens. 2) I'm banned from Argos.
Argos pens? The pocket-size ones that dont work properly however much you shake them?? :tongue: Three argos pens side-by-side are the length of one argos pen! :biggrin:
Woman in Texas gun store: "I want to buy a gun suitable for my husband." Salesman: "Did he say what kind of a gun?" Woman: "Oh no, he doesn't know yet I'm going to shoot him."
A journalist asked Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers, "With all the ins and outs over the summer, how far do you think you are from a good team?" Brendan replied, "About a mile if you cut through Stanley Park".
Bill and Ben the flower pot men were sitting in the garden Bill turns to Ben and says 'flobba dobba dobba dob' Ben says 'if you love me you'd swallow that'
A man is at the dentist. After sitting in the chair having his teeth looked at, the dentish pauses and asks him 'Excuse me sir, but have you had oral sex recently?', in a blase way, the man says 'Why, do I have a public hair between my teeth?' 'No', the dentish replies, 'you have a peice of shit on the end of your nose'
the police came to my house earlier & said my dog had chased someone on a bike i said fuck off my dog hasn't got a bike
A woman was concerned by a growth she had discovered on her vagina. The gynaecologist she went to see shook his head and pronounced, "Sorry, this is out of my field, go see a dentist.". The woman, in some confusion, made an emergency appointment with her dentist and was seen straight away. The dentist was initially confused as to why the woman wanted to see him about the issue but the woman persuaded him into taking a look. The dentist exclaimed, "A tooth! You have a tooth growing from your vagina! Remarkable!". The woman said, " I don't care how remarkable it is, I want it removed!". The dentist thought about it and finally agreed, saying, "I'll remove it but I'll need to numb it first. OK?". The woman agreed. The dentist went, "Numnumnumnumnumnumnum".
"...Fourty-eight, Fourty-nine, Fifty! Coming, ready or not. "I could tell by the way my wife got out of bed, slammed the door and stormed downstairs that she wasn't.
Q. Why did 80,000 people boo George Osborne? A. Because the Olympic Stadium wouldn't hold any more people...
