I told the doctor I'd come out in spots like cherries on a cake. The doctor said I must have analogy.
An office manager was interviewing a blonde lady for the post as his secretary, and he asked her: "What's the difference between a paper clip and a screw?" The blonde replied: "I don't know, I've never been paper clipped."
Note really a joke but something funny I heard said. Heard a great expression the other day. "We call my sister Jeep" Why I ask Spoiler Because she's had four kids from four different fathers....see 4x4...Jeep. I then asked what does she think of that and I was told she hasn't worked it out yet....14 years on!!!
My mate is a Jehovah's Witness. He's angry with me because he tried to tell me a 'knock knock' joke and I ignored him.
I confronted a farmer in Croydon today and asked him to explain wheat germ. "It's just a grain" was his reply. A wholemealy mouthed reply.
Blonde : "What's the difference between a chef and a cook?" Bloke : "A chef would know the difference between a turnip and a swede" Blonde : "Oh... OK..." Bloke : "Why ? Which one are you?" Blonde : "A swede... errr... no... a turnip!"
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
I'm great at multitasking. My wife says I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at the same time.
In my car I have a U2 Sat-Nav... It's rubbish - The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for...
In honour of the recently deceased pop-star, our local pub are havoing a "Prince night"... All you can eat and drink for twenty quid ! We're all going along - and we're going to party like it's £19.99.....
Werner Heisenberg was speeding down the road in his car. A traffic cop pulls him over, and asks "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I was".
