My wife said this morning that she was thinking about buying a mini. I said, "You'll never get your feckin' big, fat arse into one of those". She said, "Not a skirt, you moron, I meant the car, you cheeky bastard". "So did I". I replied.
Today I went to the Houses of Parliament, having been invited to attend the unveiling of a bronze portrait bust of Charles Bradlaugh MP (1833-1891). He was the first MP to affirm instead of having to swear a religious oath (after a long struggle). A happy occasion, and an excellent piece of sculpture. Charles Bradlaugh - Wikipedia National Secular Society - Portrait bust of NSS founder Charles Bradlaugh MP unveiled in Parliament
Another pioneering bronze statue recently unveiled ( uncorked?) at no doubt a very happy occasion - hic, ooh aaarrr Wurzels frontman Adge Cutler honoured with bronze statue - BBC News
Fingers crossed - I get out of hospital today? Just had piss bag and pipe removed (ouch!).Got an open wound with a drain in (TMi) but shuffling about reasonably ok.Gonna book flight soon as I'm home and fuck off back to Holland until middle of January 2017 to chill,read a bit of history and take relaxing walks.Come Jan I will be back and raring to party
I've just had to cancel my company credit card as some scrote has made a fraudulent purchase of £5000 on it
Good news. But just to remind you, when the wounds (internal and external) have healed up what you will have got is fresh scar tissue. This will take another 12 months to settle, so don't push your luck in the meantime.
On Saturday one of my friends underwent a painful procedure that required him to have his spine and both testicles removed. He did get some great wedding presents though.
Today, I finally realised that coffee makes people really aggressive. Last night I had eleven pints at the pub whilst my good wife had two coffees at home. You should've seen how angry and violent she was when I got home.
just seen this on Linkedin - I don't want to work here, I just want to live in their offices... Yesterday, I had my first day working in the Social Chain office. Greeted by Kiera, the Head of Happiness, she talked me through what to expect on my first day and introduced me to the team and gave me a tour of the "office". The office has a slide, a ball-pit, puppies running around, free breakfast, a white room (with waterfalls), a beanbag room, sleep pods, a basketball hoop and a (normally) fully stocked bar. The bar had been drunk dry at the Halloween party. I think I'm going to enjoy myself here, especially with my new presents.
Yeah they told me that last time when I lost my nut - this time they are packing out the void with Aquesil? Some kind of seaweed tape so wound heals from inside out! Knowing my luck in 6 months they will find a sea urchin trying to fight its way out?
Looks like ward doc jumped the gun? Consultant just been to examine me and told me I ain't going anywhere,another MRI 2moz and could be more surgery? Will be 10 days 2moz and I'm going stir crazy!
Today I got my '03 CR250 delivered. Few things to sort the way I want it. Took it onto a small field for a tiddle around, feels good and sharp. I got that instant bite. The noise, the smell, it's pure. I've missed scramblers for a very very long time and now I have finally returned to one. I'm a very happy bunny and look forward to working on it, seeing if my childhood memory helps me ride it and my future grandson may like the great sport of motocross.
Today I had lunch with chess champion, Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
BBC BREAKING NEWS :- Little Red Riding Hood found in a Critical Condition. Paramedics have Stabilised her Condition. But She's Not Out of the Woods Yet.
My 84 year old Mother's been complaining about the price of things today. "£1.50 for a cup of tea, 75p for a custard cream". She moaned. "For fecks sake", I replied. "You popped round here of your own accord. I didn't invite you"
I've just got a new job as a scientist researching bestiality between humans and dogs. If anyone needs me I'll be in my lab
