Watching it now having recorded it...very interesting stuff...if the war didn't happen we probably wouldn't have ever seen ducati in any other guise than a radio!!!
Yeah I loved the statement " for every 1 ducati made Honda make 400 bikes" Another reason why I ride Ducati.....
HOW A NEW MOTORCYCLE CAME TO BE BORN. Note: Any similarity to any person, object, system, product name etc is purely fictional and coincidental. Factual accuracy cannot be guaranteed. THE SCENE: A SMALL MOTOR MANUFACTURING WORKSHOP SOMEWHERE IN THE UK (PROBABLY BIRMINGHAM) IN THE 1950s. “Look Boss….I have designed a new way of making the valves work” “Oh really, and what is that supposed to achieve?” “Dunno really…….” “Well, you had better think of something to warrant all the years you have spent messing about down there” "Er, OK….Well, there’s no valve springs to start with or push rods and the like” “How’s does that work then?” “Um…….well…..there is a small spring and a couple of clips, plus a fiddly few pieces, but it must save some money somewhere….” “What? On a few springs? …..Come off it, there wouldn’t be any pushrods anyway. You know d*mn well everyone will be using overhead cams before long” “Er, yes……um…….” “Well?............What’s it for then?” “Dunno really” “You had better think of something fast, then!” “[Fast?....Hmmmmmmmm………..]……What about a motorbike?” “A motorcycle, you say?” “Yes” “And?” “Well, we could produce a revolutionary motorcycle” “Why not a revolutionary car?” “Dunno really” “OK, OK……A bike, then…….What sort of engine have you envisaged in that tiny mind of yours?” “I haven’t got an engine in my……Oh, I see what you mean…..Um…..” “Come on, come on!” “Um……What about a V twin?” “A V twin? A V Twin? What are you on? Chr*st! Guzzi have been doing that for years….how’s that revolutionary? “Ah, but not a transverse V twin..... (that’s got him)” “What? You mean you turn it around 90 degrees?” “Yeah (Smug)” “So what you mean is a Harley?” “Oh……” “Well?.......(get out of that you tw*t)” “Um……..” “Well?” “Ah!.....what we do is tip it forward (got him again)…” “Right…so you tip it forward?” “Yes” “So what frame do you stick it in?” “What do you mean?” “Well, it won’t fit in a cradle frame with down tubes will it? (tw*t again)….so what sort of frame?” “Dunno really” “Oh for the love of Mike!” “(How does he know about him?.............)…..I know!...We hang the engine from the frame!” “We hang it?” “Yes” “The only thing around here that’s going to get hung are your n*ts, unless you can come up with something sensible for once” “Um…….Well, if we hang it, we can save money on a few lengths of frame tube” “So, a couple of springs and a metre of tubing is our way to profit and a revolutionary new bike?” “Yes” “I think you had better have a long hard think and come up with a much better reason” “OK……..Um………” “Go away and come back when you have worked it out” “Yes Boss”. THE FOLLOWING DAY: “Hi Boss” “Whaddya want?” “I’ve done it” “Done what?” “Worked it out” “Worked what out?” “How we can make a lot of money from a revolutionary new bike” “Out with it then! (this had better be good, tw*t)……no, not that! Your idea” “Oh sorry, Boss…..I thought you meant………Um………….” “Well?” “What we do is the build the bike with an engine tipped forward with the engine hanging from the frame…………. ………but………..we use parts in the engine that need special tools to maintain them, that way the punters will have to pay the dealers or us to do the work” “Now you are beginning to interest me…..and, then what?” “Well, if we use any old components we can find and make them so that they need a special tool to work on them and have other parts that fail easily, the costs of maintenance and repairs will be astronomical” “I see…………….” “Good innit, Boss?” “What sort of components do you mean that could only be used with special tools? “Dunno really” “I thought you said you had it all worked out?” “Um………well…………….Well, you know that batch of 50 million nylon insert round nuts you bought, that we didn’t need?......The ones without any flats for spanners?” “Careful where you are treading, boy………well, what of them?” “We use them on all the gears and things that we can find inside the engine” “Tw*t……….how the hell do we do them up or undo them?” “Notches” “Buenos notches?” “No, Quattro notches……a spigotted socket” “What are you talking about? A spigotted socket?” “We cut four notches in the nuts and have a socket made to fit the nuts” “But just doing that will cost a fortune” “Maybe…..but if we make the socket too expensive, the owners will try something else to get them off and things will break; plus they will try to put them on and things will fall off and more things will break” “Ah….I see….” “And, if we suddenly change components without warning, well, more problems will arise…..” “Right……Now how do you suppose we get people to buy our revolutionary new bike, when it will very soon become obvious that things will go wrong?” “Dunno really” “Oh come on…….surely you must have an idea” “Um……..I know!......We tell them that the whole thing is a feat of ingenious engineering” “What? By leaving out a couple of springs?” “Yes….....and we drive the camshafts and valves by gears, not chains” “So you add more cost by using drive gears? You will have to make savings on that…..and in my opinion, a lot of savings. “It can be done…….” “How?” “Um……….er……….We can save more money on frame tubing” “How? Hang the engine off the rider’s nose?” “No, but attach the swinging arm straight onto the back of the engine” “Don’t be so bl**dy daft…….How will you achieve that?” “Um….. (Dunno really)…….I’ll think of a way” “OK, so you can deal with that little problem, it’s still only a bit more frame tube you will have saved……it’s not enough, so what else?” “Um…………Suppose we get punters interested and sell a number of bikes, create a following for them, then bring out new models where we gradually cut back on the specification? “How so?” “Well, for example, we do away with the timing gears and go over to chain driven camshafts?” “How much would that save?” “Dunno really” “OK, suppose I agree with altering the specification, you can forget chains and we go over to belt drive…….that will be a lot cheaper” “Yes, but belts will mean we can’t drive the camshafts in the same way” “Why?” “The rotation of all the pulleys will mean that one camshaft will be turning the wrong way” “Ah………..So how do you suppose we get over that?” “Um……………I know!....We turn one of the cylinder heads around 180 degrees” “Don’t be so bl**dy daft!.......The carburettor would be facing the wrong way” “Yes………Ummmmm………What about if we put both the carbs together under the tank?” “Where nobody can get at them, you mean?” “Wouldn’t that help with the cost of servicing, though?” “No it wouldn’t! It would be far more expensive………….Ah! I see what you are getting at” “Yes, and it would mean that the carbs couldn’t be fed by gravity” “So they would need an electric pump, which would put up our costs again” “Not if the pump is inside the petrol tank, where the owners can’t get at it easily. It would either mean servicing costs go up more or the DIYers would have to buy various new parts because of damage as they try to access the pump” “Very good………..and what about the exhaust system?” “What do you mean?” “How do you get over the problem of the exhaust facing backwards?.....A simple pipe and silencer won’t be able to be fitted will it?” “No…….But I think we can get around that, by a couple of torturous bends to get the rear exhaust away from the head, over the casing and around the swing-arm” “Yes, the swing-arm that you propose hanging off the back of the engine……So how exactly do you envisage the exhausts?” “What about a collecter box or balance connection under the swing-arm, with the front pipe running right underneath the engine?” “Sounds like a labourious way of doing it, but I guess it will add to service times if the whole lot has to come off every so often” So for months, this conversation carried on in the same manner, until one day: “Oi! Get in here, now! “Yes Boss?” “Have you sorted out all the problems yet?” “Problems, Boss?” “With that d*mn fool idea about a revolutionary new motorcycle?” “Not completely, Boss” “Oh well, never mind………I assume you have answers of some sort for any query that could arise?” “More or less, Boss” “Good” “Why Boss?” “I have had an idea” “Yes, Boss?” “I’m going to sell the business” “Oh right……….(Uh?)” “Well, say something constructive” “Er, OK…..Why?” “I might sell you with it” “Eh?......[What the f*** is he going on about? ----- He’s lost his marbles]” “I said I might sell you with it” “Yes, I heard that, but what…………………?” “I have had an good offer from an little Italian company because they like your idea of a revolutionary new motorcycle, so I’m afraid you are going to have to sort all the snags out with them” “Oh………………………..” “Do you like pasta?......If not I suggest you develop a taste for it” “Why’s that Boss?” “Why?.......Because it won’t be built in the UK” “Does this mean I have to go to Italy, then?” “Yes, Dummy!” “Oh right………And what is this company called?” “You won’t have heard of them yet, it’s run by an Italian aristocrat I think, a Duke Atti, with his two brothers” “And they make motorcycles?” “No, radio valves and a moped which another Italian designed” “So they don’t have any real experience with motorcycles, then?” “Nope, but never mind, they will learn as they go along, much like you will make up your bikes as you go along……..Still, I’m off for a game of golf and a well earned cruise; make sure you have your bags packed………………………Cheers!” “Thanks, Boss………[Er…..Sinsistro, Destro, Orizzonatale, Verticale]…. Santo cielo!”
