The fact that gay marriage was legalized on the same day as marijuana in Washington state, USA was long foretold. As Leviticus 20:13 says: "A man who lays with another man should be stoned."
Strange but true It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from the mouth to the stomach A human hair can hold a weight of 3kg The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb The femur is as hard as concrete A woman's heart beats faster than a man's Women blink twice as much as men We use 300 muscles just to hold our balance when we stand The woman has read this entire list The man is still looking at his thumb....
I met an Asian girl on a night out and brought her home. When we got home I was incredibly shocked to see that her vagina wasn't blurred.
Leicester police have confirmed that the skeleton they dug up is indeed the body of Richard the Third. They say that further to lots of good honest police work and overwhelming forensic evidence they have arrested and charged four local black youths with murder.
Following tests after the Southampton and Man City game, it has been revealed that parts of the City team were found to contain 100% donkey
It turns out that the horse meat scandal was all a big misunderstanding. The CEO of the meat company has since sacked his head buyer, saying "I told you to research new markets for supplies, not fucking Newmarket.
Tell a man something and it goes in one ear & out of the other. Tell a woman something and it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
The Pope resigns In response to the announcement of the Pope's resignation, we are also advised he will soon be known as 'Ex-Benedict'.
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy b@st@rd and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." (apologies if it's been told before...)
Recently older taxpayers in the UK received their 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it to those not aware of this huge benefit by using a Q & A format: Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ? A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money ? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely: * If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan, Sri Lanka or an east European horse abattoir * If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs * If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea * If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to bankers bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales 2. Going to night clubs 3. Spending it on prostitutes 4. Buying beer or whisky 5. Getting yourself a tattoo 6. Visiting a bookie (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night!
Breaking News: Iain Duncan Smith & the Department of Work & Pensions have today declared Richard III 'fit for work'.