I rang Babestation last night. The girl said "what can I do for you then?" Can you hide? Iv'e lost the remote and my wife's coming downstairs!"
Jesus: “There is only one solution to the problem of teenage pregnancy – abstinence. Teaching kids about contraception only encourages them to have sex, and it doesn’t always work anyway. Who can deny that abstinence is the only 100% effective method of birth control?” St Pete: “Your mum”.
The 15 year old Chinese swimming sensation is expected to smash the 200m freestyle record by 10 seconds in today's final. Che Ting Twat says she is feeling very optimistic!
Met a beautiful girl down at the park this morning. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we had the best sex, there and then. God, I love my new Taser.
Dear Deirdre, I was watching my next door neighbours teenage daughter sunbathing topless in their garden from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out, I turned to notice the wife just stood there, arms folded, watching me. Does this mean she`s a pervert?
Olympic sailing results are in team Gb take Gold, The Dutch take Silver and the Somalians take an middle aged couple form Dorchester!
Been watching the womens beach volleyball today. Christ its a tough sport, there has already been a wrist injury, although I should be ok by friday!
I recently opened a bakery. one of my first orders was from a lady who asked for a cake reading "I Suck Cocks" I thought it was weird but made it anyway. When I delivered it Mrs Cox was furious and so was her son Issac!
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge:"Its not working, I cant take it anymore, I'm going to my Mums" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. Haven't a clue what shes on about
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the M25. Motorists have been asked to be on the look out for 15 hardened criminals :biggrin:
A papyrus from the Dead Sea scrolls has just been translated which turns out to be the introduction before Genesis, Chapter One. It reads, “All persons and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to any persons alive or dead is purely coincidental”.
“Jesus loves you.” It’s a great line to hear in a church. But not such a good thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Showing her superstitious side during an interview, Jo Brand claimed to "touch wood" before she came on stage, which she went on to note "didn't do much good for Jesus either really".