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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. I rang Babestation last night. The girl said "what can I do for you then?"

    Can you hide? Iv'e lost the remote and my wife's coming downstairs!"
     
    #421 Phartycr0c, Aug 2, 2012
  2. Jesus:
    “There is only one solution to the problem of teenage pregnancy – abstinence. Teaching kids about contraception only encourages them to have sex, and it doesn’t always work anyway. Who can deny that abstinence is the only 100% effective method of birth control?”
    St Pete:
    “Your mum”.
     
    #422 Pete1950, Aug 3, 2012

  3. Why? Have you haddock nuff?
     
    #423 Mac, Aug 3, 2012
  4. The 15 year old Chinese swimming sensation is expected to smash the 200m freestyle record by 10 seconds in today's final.
    Che Ting Twat says she is feeling very optimistic!
     
    #424 Royum, Aug 4, 2012
  5. Met a beautiful girl down at the park this morning. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we had the best sex, there and then.


    God, I love my new Taser.
     
    #425 Pierre 66, Aug 6, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Dear Deirdre,
    I was watching my next door neighbours teenage daughter sunbathing topless in their garden from my bedroom window.
    As I was knocking one out, I turned to notice the wife just stood there, arms folded, watching me.



    Does this mean she`s a pervert?
     
    #426 Pierre 66, Aug 6, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  7. Two parrots sitting on a perch…the first one says to the other “can you smell fish?”
     
    #427 Major, Aug 6, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Olympic sailing results are in team Gb take Gold, The Dutch take Silver and the Somalians take an middle aged couple form Dorchester!
     
    #428 Phartycr0c, Aug 6, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Been watching the womens beach volleyball today. Christ its a tough sport, there has already been a wrist injury, although I should be ok by friday!
     
    #429 Phartycr0c, Aug 6, 2012
  10. I recently opened a bakery. one of my first orders was from a lady who asked for a cake reading "I Suck Cocks" I thought it was weird but made it anyway.

    When I delivered it Mrs Cox was furious and so was her son Issac!
     
    #430 Phartycr0c, Aug 6, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Or

    GB take gold, Denmark take silver and Somalia take the boat!
     
    #431 Multi rider, Aug 7, 2012
  12. My girlfriend left a note on the fridge:"Its not working, I cant take it anymore, I'm going to my Mums"
    I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. Haven't a clue what shes on about​
     
    #432 Phartycr0c, Aug 9, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  13. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the M25. Motorists have been asked to be on the look out for 15 hardened criminals :biggrin:
     
    #433 Major, Aug 13, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  14. A papyrus from the Dead Sea scrolls has just been translated which turns out to be the introduction before Genesis, Chapter One. It reads,
    “All persons and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to any persons alive or dead is purely coincidental”.
     
    #434 Pete1950, Aug 16, 2012
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  15. Man goes in a bar.....strange, you usually get peanuts or pork scratchings !
     
    #435 nogaromill999, Aug 16, 2012
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  16. Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

    Tequila! :biggrin:
     
    #436 Major, Aug 16, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  17. “Jesus loves you.”
    It’s a great line to hear in a church. But not such a good thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
     
    #437 Pete1950, Aug 19, 2012
  18. Or when in a gay bar never offer to "push in someone's stool"
     
    #438 steveknowles, Aug 19, 2012
  19. I once met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
     
    #439 Rudolph Hart, Aug 20, 2012
  20. Showing her superstitious side during an interview, Jo Brand claimed to "touch wood" before she came on stage, which she went on to note "didn't do much good for Jesus either really".
     
    #440 Rudolph Hart, Aug 20, 2012
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