My mate was feeling out of sorts & went to see his GP who advised him to do something that would get him out of breath at least twice a week. So he started smoking again.............
I don`t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I`d stay at home.
One of the great questions of philosophy: If a man on his own in the middle of a forest says something out loud, and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?
You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh & Becks. (Acknowledgement is due to the Edinburgh Fringe Joke Awards)
Nope - found 'em on the BBC web site: BBC News - Stewart Francis's Posh and Becks joke Fringe 'funniest'
When my wife heard I was taking Yoga classes she said "I know this has something to do with with one of your disgusting sexual perversions!" Well, I was so taken aback by her accusation I nearly chocked on my own cock!
My Thai girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't be a bar to a fantastic sex life. Maybe not, but I would still prefer it if she didn't have one!
One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice. Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?" "Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
Sir Bob Kerslake is giving the Prime Minister his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the PM exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the PM sits, head in hands. Finally, the PM looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
I just found the wife dead in the washing machine, I`m absolutely gutted........ but at least she died in comfort.
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.
I`m considering going on embarrassing bodies. One of my testicles is bigger than the other two.......