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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. My mate was feeling out of sorts & went to see his GP who advised him to do something that would get him out of breath at least twice a week.



    So he started smoking again.............
     
    #441 Rudolph Hart, Aug 20, 2012
  2. I don`t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs.

    If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I`d stay at home.
     
    #442 Pierre 66, Aug 20, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  3. One of the great questions of philosophy:

    If a man on his own in the middle of a forest says something out loud, and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?
     
    #443 Pete1950, Aug 21, 2012
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  4. I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know why
     
    #444 Rudolph Hart, Aug 21, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2012
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  5. Last night my wife & I watched three DVDs back to back.

    Luckily I was the one facing the telly....
     
    #445 Rudolph Hart, Aug 21, 2012
  6. Someone was listening to Radio 2 today !
     
    #446 nogaromill999, Aug 21, 2012
  7. You know who really gives kids a bad name?



    Posh & Becks.



    (Acknowledgement is due to the Edinburgh Fringe Joke Awards)
     
    #447 Rudolph Hart, Aug 21, 2012
  8. #448 Rudolph Hart, Aug 21, 2012
  9. Just got back from the trip of a lifetime!.......... Never again!
     
    #449 Phartycr0c, Aug 23, 2012
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  10. When my wife heard I was taking Yoga classes she said "I know this has something to do with with one of your disgusting sexual perversions!"

    Well, I was so taken aback by her accusation I nearly chocked on my own cock!
     
    #450 Phartycr0c, Aug 23, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  11. My Thai girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't be a bar to a fantastic sex life. Maybe not, but I would still prefer it if she didn't have one!
     
    #451 Phartycr0c, Aug 23, 2012
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  12. I saw that coming but... Wait - that's not what I meant
     
    #452 JerryXt, Aug 23, 2012
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  13. *Jerry Commits Social hari kiri on Ducati Forum*

    You saw it here first, folks. :biggrin:
     
    #453 Loz, Aug 23, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  14. One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.

    Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"

    "Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
     
    #454 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Sir Bob Kerslake is giving the Prime Minister his daily briefing.
    He concludes by saying, "Yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

    "OH NO!" the PM exclaims. "That's terrible!"

    His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the PM sits, head in hands.

    Finally, the PM looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
     
    #455 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  16. Just deleted all the German names from my phone.

    It`s now Hans free.
     
    #456 Pierre 66, Aug 24, 2012
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  17. I just found the wife dead in the washing machine,
    I`m absolutely gutted........ but at least she died in comfort.
     
    #457 Pierre 66, Aug 24, 2012
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  18. 2 canibals eating a clown.One asks the other;Does this taste funny?
     
    #458 keith916, Aug 24, 2012
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  19. My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.
     
    #459 Rudolph Hart, Aug 25, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  20. I`m considering going on embarrassing bodies.

    One of my testicles is bigger than the other two.......
     
    #460 Pierre 66, Aug 25, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
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