Oh god. The guy doing acrobatics with the cat getting into the act. Ever had bourbon up your nose? Oh god no.
My mate was beaten up after his girlfriend's father asked what kind of contraception they used. Apparently 'facial cumshot' wasn't the right answer.
After finishing 10 pints I was dangerously weaving in the middle of the road. Then I thought, "It'd probably be safer to make this cane chair at home."
I got home today to find my wife masturbating in the bedroom. "What's going on here?" I asked. "What does it look like to you?" she said with a smile. "A yawning sea lion"
Little Red Ridinghood goes walking in the forest when....she comes accross the BIG BAD WOLF....!!! Wolf Wolf why are your eyes so big? She asks demurely! Go away, I'm having a s..t! )
Dunno, it's not my birthday until tomorrow. But I do get quite a range of jokes from friends & colleagues.
My wife sent me a text: "I'm not wearing any knickers. x." "Really, why not? x" I replied. "Because you didn't do the bloody laundry x"
I had to tell my patient I'd dreadfully messed up his plastic surgery. I'll never forget the look on his elbow.
this is a classic!! my ex was irish..and ive learnt that here entire family were stereotypes. thick as pig shit, constant drinking, fighting, rowing, would only purchase irish goods and services, banking, everything, wherever possible (they all live england but have their cars insured from ireland etc etc), constantly going on about how fkd up the english are, constantly going on about being irish, 30 people on the house with tents in the garden, irish folk blaring out every weekend, their entire social circle made up from relatives, unrelenting procession of births, christenings, deaths and marriages, hardly anyone talking to anyone else for months at a time, swearing and half of them were born in england!! her dad was 1 of 12, her mother 1 of 11...permanent state of chaos, no one to be reasoned with and no one to have any meaningful dialogue with..i used to feel sorry for the neighbours...thankfully, not all irish are like that..presumably.
im irish and funny you should say that as i run about with guys who moved here from england and they are just the same about how great it is over there, only they cant drink for shit, dont insure their cars as they are tight, hate everything only themselves, moan for nothing, think the world owes them a living and best of all when i tell them to fuck off home they say "no i like it here the people are friendly !!!":wink: