Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. Had to fill out a form for HR at work. It asked: 'Who should be contacted in case of medical emergency?'

    Apparently the appropriate answer was NOT 'A f*cking good doctor'.
     
    #5781 Rudolph Hart, Oct 5, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. UKIP leadership...
    (Even the England football manager lasted longer).
     
    #5782 JR45, Oct 6, 2016
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  3. To the disabled guy who just stole my wallet, you can hide but you can't run!
     
    #5783 El Toro, Oct 6, 2016
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  4. Would anyone like some old batteries.....free of charge.
     
    #5784 El Toro, Oct 6, 2016
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  5. A great day at the Yorkshire zoo today, though the slice of toast in one of the enclosures was strange...I think it must have been bread in captivity....
     
    #5785 El Toro, Oct 6, 2016
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  6. Very Un-Yorkshire, that, EL T!
     
    #5786 efcbluepete, Oct 6, 2016
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    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. If it were not for poetry, Postman Pat might have had a black & white dog.
     
    #5787 Rudolph Hart, Oct 6, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. The wife told me to go out & get something that makes her look sexy.

    So I went out & got drunk.
     
    #5788 Rudolph Hart, Oct 6, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Went into a record shop the other day, asked the bloke if he had anything by the Doors, he said yes.....a bucket of sand and a fire blanket :grinning:
     
    #5789 749si, Oct 7, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. I've spent 5 years looking for the mother-in-law's killer.

    But no-one will do it.
     
    #5790 Rudolph Hart, Oct 7, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humour.
     
    #5791 Rudolph Hart, Oct 7, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. Brembo.jpg

    My brakes feel a bit "wooden" - any suggestions ?
     
    #5792 JR45, Oct 8, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  13. Found a magic lamp, asked for a girlfriend half my age........

    It made me 100 years old.
     
    #5793 Rudolph Hart, Oct 8, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  14. I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.
     
    #5794 Rudolph Hart, Oct 8, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. No really, it's true - I've never stopped loving you ...




    or started ...
     
    #5795 Pete1950, Oct 14, 2016
  16. What is "this" thing called, love?
     
    #5796 Loz, Oct 14, 2016
  17. Q. What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

    A. One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
     
    #5797 Rudolph Hart, Oct 14, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
  18. My granddad is like a laptop:

    If you don't touch him for 10 minutes, he will go to sleep.
     
    #5798 Rudolph Hart, Oct 14, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  19. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
     
    #5799 3bikemike, Oct 14, 2016
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. News flash:

    Suicidal Irish twin kills his brother by mistake.
     
    #5800 Rudolph Hart, Oct 14, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
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