Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. I gave blood this morning but instead of tea and biscuits, they gave me some pitta bread and salad...

    Apparently... it was a donor kebab...
     
    #9121 El Toro, Feb 27, 2022
  2. When he was young, Shakespeare couldn't decide if he wanted to be a a horse rider or not.

    To be... Or not to be? …….That is equestrian!
     
    #9122 El Toro, Feb 27, 2022
  3. A racehorse walked into a bar with all its entourage.

    Barman says ...you can’t come in here with those trainers.....
     
    #9123 El Toro, Feb 27, 2022
  4. I didn't do too well in my Wasp Identification Exam yesterday.

    I only got a bee.
     
    #9124 El Toro, Feb 27, 2022
  5. I just found a website with loads of Chinese jokes:

    They all look the same to me..
     
    #9125 Rudolph Hart, Feb 27, 2022
  6. My mate Dave said to me, "I bet you can't make a pun about a flower?”

    But I rose to the challenge!
     
    #9126 El Toro, Feb 28, 2022
  7. I got fired from my job at the eyeglass factory... I fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of myself!
     
    #9127 El Toro, Feb 28, 2022
  8. I was in the Post Office queue yesterday when Diana Ross tried to push in.

    I said, "You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait!"
     
    #9128 El Toro, Feb 28, 2022
  9. We've all chipped into a kitty down the pub. It's a competition for the first person to say the name of an Abba song with Agnetha Faltkskog singing lead.

    I've no idea, but as there's £200 in the pot it's worth having. The winner takes it all..
     
    #9129 Rudolph Hart, Feb 28, 2022
  10. I was wondering how lightning worked, then it struck me!
     
    #9130 El Toro, Feb 28, 2022
  11. My mate reckons his vasectomy never worked.

    It just made the kids look like the milkman...
     
    #9131 Rudolph Hart, Feb 28, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. I can't believe it's pancake day tomorrow...

    It's just crêped up on me!
     
    #9132 El Toro, Feb 28, 2022
  13. My mate says he's developing an invisible aeroplane, but I can't see it taking off.
     
    #9133 Rudolph Hart, Feb 28, 2022
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Didn't sleep well last night. I dreamt I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road.

    I kept tossing and turning.
     
    #9134 El Toro, Mar 1, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. I had plans to move into a flat above a police station................

    But apparently nobody is above the law!
     
    #9135 Rudolph Hart, Mar 1, 2022
  16. I wonder what Geronimo shouted when he jumped out of the plane?
     
    #9136 El Toro, Mar 1, 2022
  17. I took a girl home. We got kissing on the sofa & before long, I slipped my hand into her knickers. She asked, "Shall we take this upstairs?"

    I said, "No, I'd rather we did it here."

    "Oh I see," she winked. "Something in your bedroom you don't want me to see?"

    "Yeah, my wife!"
     
    #9137 El Toro, Mar 1, 2022
  18. I've just bought a new boomerang…

    The problem is, how do I get rid of my old one?
     
    #9138 El Toro, Mar 1, 2022
  19. Got home from work today to find my kids have been on eBay all day.

    If they are still there tomorrow I will have to lower the price!
     
    #9139 El Toro, Mar 1, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. Q. What do they serve for breakfast at the Dignitas Clinic?

    A. Cheerios.
     
    #9140 Rudolph Hart, Mar 1, 2022
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