I gave blood this morning but instead of tea and biscuits, they gave me some pitta bread and salad... Apparently... it was a donor kebab...
When he was young, Shakespeare couldn't decide if he wanted to be a a horse rider or not. To be... Or not to be? …….That is equestrian!
A racehorse walked into a bar with all its entourage. Barman says ...you can’t come in here with those trainers.....
I got fired from my job at the eyeglass factory... I fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of myself!
I was in the Post Office queue yesterday when Diana Ross tried to push in. I said, "You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait!"
We've all chipped into a kitty down the pub. It's a competition for the first person to say the name of an Abba song with Agnetha Faltkskog singing lead. I've no idea, but as there's £200 in the pot it's worth having. The winner takes it all..
Didn't sleep well last night. I dreamt I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road. I kept tossing and turning.
I had plans to move into a flat above a police station................ But apparently nobody is above the law!
I took a girl home. We got kissing on the sofa & before long, I slipped my hand into her knickers. She asked, "Shall we take this upstairs?" I said, "No, I'd rather we did it here." "Oh I see," she winked. "Something in your bedroom you don't want me to see?" "Yeah, my wife!"
Got home from work today to find my kids have been on eBay all day. If they are still there tomorrow I will have to lower the price!
