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My mate said that although his wife is obese, she identifies as skinny. She's trans-slender.
ITV have been screening, 'On Death Row with Susanna Reid'. What the heck did she do? I thought she was a nice girl...?
Just read a TripAdvisor review on the Grammy Awards: "Deeply disappointing, not what I'd hoped for at all." W. Rooney, Derby.
It seems like everyone else at the airport has better luggage than me. I'm thinking it's a worst case scenario.
March 2021: Not allowed to travel more than 5 miles [IMG] March 2022: Can't afford to travel more than 5 miles... [IMG]
A friend has just returned to Britain after living & working in Australia for 35 years. I was driving him home from the airport when he looked...
I went on a blind date the other day. Then after that we went and looked at curtains instead.
My local is having a Meatloaf tribute after closing time, if anyone's interested: Midnight at the Fox and Hounds.
My ability to speak a little Latin is always at the top of my curriculum vitae.
Breaking News: Lots of seamen ejected by wankers in the P&O board room..
As a show of solidarity with the 800 sacked ferry staff, our local orchestra has boycotted the use of piano..
One out of five women suffer from stress. The other four enjoy it.
My mate's lad asked him, "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" My mate replied, "No Son."
Q. How do you spot someone who has had sexual relationships with pigs? A. They're ham fisted..
The owner of P&O Ferries, a Dubai-based multinational called DP World, is also a major investor in the first post-Brexit freeport...
Saudi Arabia has decided to be more lenient on convicted thieves: 1st offence - Chop your right hand off. 2nd offence - Chop your left hand off....
My mate told me he failed his exam in aboriginal music. I asked him, "Did ya redo it?
My mate said he just watched his wife trip & fall with a pile of clothes she had just ironed. Apparently, he watched it all unfold..
I fell asleep on the sofa yesterday and when I woke up someone had put a teabag in my mouth. I wasn't happy. I hate being taken for a mug...
Bono has created his own dessert: He mixes a shot of vodka into tomato juice, adds a dash of Worcestershire Sauce and pours it over some ice...
