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My mate said his wife asked him to make her scream with one finger. So he poked her in the eye..
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Police wanted to know my whereabouts between 4 and 6. I said, "Primary School."
Just got back from the French 'flicking a ruler on the edge of a table' championships. Held every year in Dordogne..
The doctor reckons he can cure my sleep apnea, but I'm not holding my breath..
Just remembering the late Shane Warne saying that Liz Hurley always enjoyed a full toss in the crease..
My mate said his new girlfriend is a stock-checker for a European supermarket chain. Apparently, she ticks Aldo boxes.
I bought some Harry Potter books for a bargain yesterday: Only a quid each...
I was not happy with my wife when she protested because I wanted to 'try it in a new hole' last night. I gave her an earful..
Q. What's the difference between the Australian TV soap 'Neighbours' and Prince Charles? A. One had a Mrs Mangle, and the other had a mangled Mrs..
My neighbour keeps asking if I want to go round and listen to his railway sound effects LP. I don't think so. Not with his track record.
I went to the aftershave counter in Boots and said, "I want something that'll have the birds eating out the palm of my hand." Bitch sold me some...
The inventor of the USB Stick has died today. Thanks for the memory..
My mate watched his first dwarf porn film last night. He said he didn't watch it all, just little snatches...
Congratulations to Hugh Zapritti-Boyden, on his appointment as Chairman of the British Budgerigar Association.
Q. What do they serve for breakfast at the Dignitas Clinic? A. Cheerios.
I had plans to move into a flat above a police station................ But apparently nobody is above the law!
My mate says he's developing an invisible aeroplane, but I can't see it taking off.
My mate reckons his vasectomy never worked. It just made the kids look like the milkman...
We've all chipped into a kitty down the pub. It's a competition for the first person to say the name of an Abba song with Agnetha Faltkskog...
