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A woman brings eight year old Timmy home and tells his mother he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old daughter....
I was sitting on the sofa watching TV last night when I heard my wife in the kitchen - "what would you like for dinner my love? Chicken, beef or...
I phoned the spiritual leader of Tibet and he sent me a large goat with a long neck - turns out I phoned dial-a-lama!
My mate's wife just cannot take a compliment....... Maybe she shouldn't keep such a well groomed moustache!
Last night I accidentally saw the young woman next-door masturbating naked on her bed. I was so shocked I fell out of the tree!
Mick says to his mate Paddy - "the wife has been on about getting a dog - oi tink I'll get one of them there labradors" Paddy replies - "O'id be...
Our dog ran off last night. I walked around the park for hours calling him but no sign at all. When I got home my wife told me to look harder, so...
And the amount of make believe bullets that you got hit by before finally rolling on the ground, clutching your wounds before keeling over! A bit...
My mate nicking some of his Dads' pipe baccy - we made a pipe out of balsa wood ( we were into making model aircraft) and retired to the den, a...
Apparently, Jonathan Ross only goes to rugby matches to play pranks on people. He loves Twicken'em
My Grandad shot down two German aircraft. Trouble was, it was in 1972. Still, you can't be too careful!
We found it hard to believe that our Dad had been sacked from his job in the highways department for stealing. But when we looked in his garage,...
My new girlfriend asked "what's your pet hate?" I said "he's not too keen on having things poked up his arse!"
The wife and I went to see a marriage councillor. She asked if I knew what my wife's favourite flower was. I held her hand and looked lovingly...
A chap from Barnsley with a sore backside goes to his local chemist - "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?" The chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum...
I've been having an incredible all day breakfast - my Gran has dementia and loves cooking!
My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. "Did you smell that food, it was incredible" she said. Being the nice guy I am, I...
A woman thinks that she will try to spice up her sex life with her partner and decides to wear some crotchless panties to attract his attention....
The Premature Ejaculation Society Annual Dinner is being held next Tuesday evening. Dress code: Just come in your pants.
Hamish was heading out to his local pub, so he turned to his wee wife before leaving and said - "Maggie, put your hat and coat on lassie" She...
