My counsellors suggested I watched Inside Out back in 2018 I watched it Saturday I see why he suggested it. I got it because she was/is me and I cried the lump in my throat was unbearable
A lot of what others here are saying really strikes a chord with me. Over the years I’ve come to recognise when a bad episode is coming on, it’s always in the back ground but I can feel it coming when it’s a bad one, my wife asked me if I enjoy anything and I suddenly realised I can’t remember the last time I felt any joy in doing anything, holidays, walking, boating and even biking if I’m honest but weirdly when I look back on the memories of doing those things I felt I enjoyed it! Very odd. Another thing is my sister was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago and I’m really worried I may also have it, we both suffered the same childhood trauma and I believe it can run in families, my wife already thinks I’m on the spectrum for a couple of other things. Anyway I’m on to it now and I’ll make moves to sort things for the better.
@Zeus - I'm glad that you are not drinking anymore. There is nothing worse when struggling than turning to alcohol. A few things that help me is: - getting out in nature to get some exercise. Can be walking, mountain biking etc. - breathing exercises. I've posted a few links below. - cold showers (or open water swimming). I know it's tough. Somebody I've worked with off and on for around 20 years has recently just died after these kind of struggles. But like everyone has said. You are not alone. Take it easy.
I would seek help, NLP, Neuro Liguistic Programming did me a power of good during my marriage breakup, it digs deeper than councelling and give you the tools to get better. Your wife will definately think more of you for your honesty, share your thoughts with her, if she can really understand how you feel then she can begin to help. Find someway of stopping the internal dialouge, if you allow those negative thoughts space in your head they will grow, don't have it. There is a treatment out there that will be right for you, find it my friend.