Alcohol & Mental Health

A lot of what others here are saying really strikes a chord with me. Over the years I’ve come to recognise when a bad episode is coming on, it’s always in the back ground but I can feel it coming when it’s a bad one, my wife asked me if I enjoy anything and I suddenly realised I can’t remember the last time I felt any joy in doing anything, holidays, walking, boating and even biking if I’m honest but weirdly when I look back on the memories of doing those things I felt I enjoyed it! Very odd.
Another thing is my sister was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago and I’m really worried I may also have it, we both suffered the same childhood trauma and I believe it can run in families, my wife already thinks I’m on the spectrum for a couple of other things. Anyway I’m on to it now and I’ll make moves to sort things for the better.

 

I had no idea you had moved to San Fran!

 

@Zeus - I'm glad that you are not drinking anymore. There is nothing worse when struggling than turning to alcohol.

A few things that help me is:
- getting out in nature to get some exercise. Can be walking, mountain biking etc.
- breathing exercises. I've posted a few links below.


- cold showers (or open water swimming).

I know it's tough. Somebody I've worked with off and on for around 20 years has recently just died after these kind of struggles.
But like everyone has said. You are not alone.

Take it easy.

 

Is two out of three alright, asking for a friend.

 

I would seek help, NLP, Neuro Liguistic Programming did me a power of good during my marriage breakup, it digs deeper than councelling and give you the tools to get better.
Your wife will definately think more of you for your honesty, share your thoughts with her, if she can really understand how you feel then she can begin to help.
Find someway of stopping the internal dialouge, if you allow those negative thoughts space in your head they will grow, don't have it.
There is a treatment out there that will be right for you, find it my friend.

 

Thanks Viv

I’m going through some horrible stuff at the moment and have certainly had some dark thoughts. X

 

At least you are smart enough to recognise it and strong enough to share it, talk to someone you trust.

 

Thanks.

Am talking to a few people which is very cathartic.

Been out of work for 2 months. Going through a divorce too and getting zero support from my wife.

Am training to be a local cabbie as roles in my 30+ year profession are non existent. Been looking since April.

At a bit of a low ebb.

 

Thank you x

 

IME these cosmic shit storms always come at once, job, relationships, money, health etc. It's as if the universe has pointed the finger upwards and said 'it's you'.
You will get through it and you will be stronger and wiser afterwards, sorry if that probably sounds a bit crass right now. Talk to friends and family, even professionals if need be. There's also an unending supply of help on YouTube, there's no need to suffer alone and 'man up' it simply doesn't work. As per the thread title, be mindful of the self-medication.
Take care bro.

 

I seriously second these words, I also have been through the grinder, and though perhaps will never be 100% "normal" again...I appreciate that it has been a phase of my life that has taught me an awful lot! Also it is amazing how many people are also dealing with "stuff"...be honest, authentic and share, they will show themselves and support you. You probably know what is making you ill, (sometimes not of our causing) so manage your best self with the routines that help you get through a difficult phase of your life. I also promise you that the page turns (even if slowly).

Take care of yourself.

 

I also agree with the above comments, one thing I’ve realised with getting older is these bad times do pass and better times come along.
If you need a stranger on the internet to chat to let me know, probably not much use but I’m always happy to,lend an ear and listen and I do have a fair bit of experience in this area as I have spoken about recently.
All the best .

 

Thanks all, I appreciate it.

I'm a really good talker so that's not been a problem. Here comes a bit of an offload.......

I went to the garage last week with a rope and when I let my wife in (she was hammering on the door so I though she might actually give a sh1t), she snatched it from me and called me an attention seeker and wondered what the neighbours would think.....

I've had my moment of clarity and and not ever going to do it, too many positives or possible positives in my life.

I've done a lot of analysis of the last 5, 20, 15, 20 years (we've been a couple for 23 yrs) and believe my wife to be mentally ill. Lots of backstory to that including her upbringing and going from thinking she's an only child to having 4 siblings come out of the woodwork - BUT she has persistently refused to discuss with me or anyone else and her neurosis and compulsions have gotten worse, with me taking the brunt of a lot, being made to feel lazy and useless when I'm anything but.

I've even put a setting on our Life360 app we use with the kids to alert me when she's within 300 yards of the house so I can look busy when she gets home......

For a while I've done my best to stay calm and controlled but I do lose my sh1t (there's only so much one can take), but that then gets used against me and I'm left feeling like the arsehole of the scenario.

I'm no angel but am aware of and try to deal with my faults, but I've never blown money, gambled, had affairs etc and I do my share of household chores (I'm a man that can iron, FFS ), as well as looking after our finances, cars, garden, DIY etc etc.

I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and skint and am now having to try and get through a local knowledge course for the taxi job

It's been pretty shite and will continue to be so for a while, but it will get better.

 

Some NHS Trusts offer a self referral service for those people,and there are a lot of us,dealing with mental issues.
I have used this service quite recently and found it to be most helpful.I filled in an online questionaire which resulted in a very useful and informative consultation with a Clinical Psychologist.
He suggested a path forward,which I agreed to.This involved a report to my GP outlining what treatment was recommended for my case,and an open ended means for me to return to the Pschologist if I thought this necessary.
I found this whole experience extremely helpful.As people have said,one has to talk problems through,whether it is a friendly ear or a health professional.
Best wishes to you going forward.

 

As you say you sound exhausted, is it possible to take yourself away from the situation for a few days, visit a friend, stay with family, anything just to get some time away to reset?
I had a similar moment to you a few weeks ago. I drove to my boat, got a rope, drove home and went into the garage all like I was on some sort of auto pilot, luckily I came to my senses. That’s when I decided to take off on my bike on my own for a trip, the time away left me feeling a lot more together and mentally stronger.

 

Sorry to read this mate if you ever fancy a bimble and a natter you can always drop me a pm as I think we’re fairly local to each other. Look after yourself x