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British Citizenship Test

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by SOUP, Jan 27, 2013.

  1. Which is when I dream :wink:
     
  2. Three part question.
    (a) Explain the subtleties of English humour and in particular satire and irony.
    (2) Write a humorous satirical story of not less than 2000 words and complete it with an ironic twist. Under no circumstances use sarcasm and remain within the boundaries of political correctness at all times.
    (iiv) Read your work out aloud in English to the other applicants in the room.

    Your application will be marked on the amount of laughs you achieve and the amount of rhetorical questions asked from the audience at the end. If any members of the audience claim to have been offended you will be disqualified under the political correctness rule. Spelling will not be taken into consideration.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  3. I have an better one...


    Q, Do you follow Islam?

    A, Yes

    Fuck off :upyeah:
     
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  4. 10/10 - tally Ho chaps!
     
  5. 10/10 and I'm a single Malt!
     
  6. Perfect 10 and I don't even live there.

    Now, how many would I get on the Swiss one?

    There is a famous film in Switzerland about immigrants wanting to get a Swiss passport. Apparently, at one time, inspectors would come round to your house and you'd have to make a fondue for them! If you couldn't produce a decent one, no passport.

    So what would the Brits make, chicken tikka masala?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. A Cheese fondue? pah, simples LOL. Now how about a chocolate one? Or Raclette melted on spuds, yum.
     
  8. Raclette is the biz, but lacks the difficulties of having the right mix of cheese, the right quantity of wine and kirsch and the pitfalls of the cornflour.
    And don't forget to rub the caquelon with garlic before adding any ingredients.
     
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  9. No more pix guys Emm's being deported .........
     
  10. Where to? :frown:
     
  11. She only got 70% ....... I'm packing for her now and her burka is on order .............in the meantime tho......
     
  12. Got this wrong too......

    image.jpg
     
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  13. Dont make me break out my little book and talk irrelevant phrases and ask pointless questions
     
  14. Thats a bonus point, its called the jack rather than flag when its on a ship
     
  15. 9 out of 10 Looks like I can stay
     
  16. 10 out of 10 .... Dam looks like I have to stay !
     
  17. +1 Having lived here for 36 years, I would have been mortified if i'd got any less
     
  18. I can't believe that some of you got less than 10. Seriously they were the most simple questions ever. We'll have a huge influx of immigrants based on that test.
     
  19. Well I got 10/10, so it must be easy. Sign me up for an arrival care package, free housing and, of course, I'll need transport, any late model Ducati will do :upyeah:
     
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  20. If you are willing to settle for the Care package you will need to sell your house to pay for it. I suggest you opt for the 'Full sponger package' which will give you all you want and paid for by elderly people in care who have had to sell everything to fund it after paying their taxes for the past 40 years!!
     
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