Back in 1970 when I was an undergraduate at University College Oxford, one night after midnight I was on my way back to my rooms walking along a corridor when I saw a figure staggering towards me. Then I recognised that it was Harold Wilson, who had only recently ceased to be Prime Minister. Him being there was not a total surprise since Harold was a Fellow of the College and had formerly been an Economics don there. Harold was wearing a dinner jacket and black tie, and was smoking a cigar. And he was so paralytically drunk that he could hardly stand up. He had probably consumed a lot of brandy in the Senior Common Room after dinner, then the night air must have hit him. I looked around for the Special Branch bodyguard, but no - he was alone and there was nobody about. What was I to do? I couldn't really go off and leave an ex-PM slumped there, could I? I guessed he must be staying in the Guest Room, so I put my arm around him and half carried him there. I decided to draw the line at undressing Harold Wilson, so once I had made sure he was OK I left him to it.
it's a well known story in Huyton - Freddie Starr lived around the corner, as did a minor 1960's pop star discovered by Joe Meek, called "Heinz" (Just Like Eddie was his big hit)
I have been dead, then had CPR performed on me to bring me back, I had drowned, I was 7, didn't even go to the Doctor or Hospital afterward.
Did you ask him what time it was when the big hand touched the little hand? I hope the sick bastard is burning in hell for his disgusting filthy crimes that have ruined so many lives
At the last major firm I worked for in London, which was a big FTSE 100 company, I used to cycle into work. This always made me very sweaty as the ride in is basically a road race, although none of the participants ever let on. The company had a small gym and changing rooms in the basement, so I used to have my shower there and put on my office attire. On the way home, I’d often get changed again for the ride back. The Chief Marketing Officer was a small, very fat American. He was one of the most powerful people in the company and my über, über, über boss, although he would know vaguely who I was, even if he probably didn’t remember my name. We had spoken on numerous occasions. So one day in the evening, I had to go to the changing room to recover my cycling gear and change into it, and there, standing right next to my locker was Rob, stark bollock naked. He was the owner of a body that was a sad example of mankind, as one would have always expected from seeing him dressed. However, his massive pink nakedness was just appalling. I knew it; he must have known it. This put me in a terrible situation. Should I say “Hi Rob”, in which case we would both know that I had caught him in an embarrassing position, or should I just ignore him, which would have been very impolite if he caught my eye. Aaaugh! Fortunately, I managed to retrieve my stuff from the locker, avoiding his massive blubbery arse as he had his back to me, without him noticing me and then ran around the back of the lockers to a different bit of the changing room to get changed, waiting until I was sure that Rob was no longer in a state of fleshy undress, or even in the changing room, to make my exit. I can’t think that he used the gym very often. Close one!
A long time ago Alan and I were climbing an unclimbed 6000' mountain in Greenland and as the going was not particularly technical we were climbing unroped. I was ahead and reached a small break in the ridge below which there was a saddle that we would have to do a short abseil into, so I set up the abseil by placing a sling around a chockstone wedged into a crack and waited for Alan. He arrived a short time later and said "I'm not abseiling off that" whilst pointing to the chockstone. Reluctantly I backed up the chockstone with a piton and abseiled over the lip, almost immediately there was a bit of a jerk on the rope, the chockstone had broken in two and I was now being entirely supported by the back up piton. The saddle in the ridge was only a couple of metres wide with gullies going down hundreds of metres either side down which I would have inevitably fallen. You live and learn.
Had a few climbing. Was out myself bouldering one day, just got in the zone and before I knew it I was 60 ft up, no rope, nobody about and facing a tricky downclimb fully aware I wouldn't bounce well. Saw a girl getting her hair caught in her belay tube whlist her boyfriend was leading. Took three of us to get her undone. Up in the Cairngorm's on Hells Lum. An HVS. The guy that took us up said he had climbed it before. I was leading, came to what was the crux and he sent me out left onto Salamander (an E3). Lots of swearing later, came back into the chimney and finished it like I thought we should have. Dark when we topped out too... Sorry for anyone that doesn't understand any of that.....
A friend of mine is a bit of a climber. He once climbed the Eiger when the guy he was climbing with died. That sort of a climber. A few years ago, he'd invited me and the wife for dinner. We had a happy normal meal with him and his wife. But he told us that he'd been ice climbing that afternoon near Verbier. That's where you find some monster icicle thing and climb it using ice axes. Anyway, there were a couple of these icicles - probably frozen waterfalls - about 100m high and parallel with each other and he had been climbing one of them. He was half way up his one when the other just snapped off and crashed to the earth below in smithereens. Must have been somewhat sphincter-tightening. I found it surprising to be having dinner in the evening with someone who could quite easily have died that afternoon.
I met one of the chief marshalls at the IOM TT twenty years ago, and he worked in the Fire Safety Dept of the IOM. He told my manager and myself, that during the ferry crossings shifting bikes from the mainland to Douglas in pre TT week, once the bikes had been secured and the deck cleared, sniffer dogs were let loose to check for illegal substances. On one crossing, the dog indicated to a headlight on a particular bike, and on removing the headlight front, a package of some unidentified substance was found, believed to be cocaine. The headlight/package was put back, and the bike was left until embarcation at Douglas. As the rider was leaving the ferry, he was pulled over by Police/Customs. The rider was told that it was a routine stop, and asked if he had any illegal substances he wanted to declare, - he said "No". At which point, one of the police officers introduced himself, and said that he had been trained to sniff out drugs - did the rider object to him sniffing around the bike ? The rider obviously felt obliged to agree to this, and when the officer homed in on the headlight, he was stunned when the Customs guys opened it up, to reveal the drugs. The drugs were confiscated, the bike impounded for 14 days, and the rider given 14 days custody by the local court. On his release, he was advised to not try anything similar in future...
had a contract in Melbourne back in 2000.. flew a few of me mates over to help me out. i was spraying a 6 story carpark and needed a few thousand m2 of plastic and a few hundred rolls of masking tape.. found a company that sold this stuff and gave em a call.. asked the bird how far outta central Melbourne they were "i dunno..." well have you ever driven into the city i asked her.. "yes" well how long did it take you? "i dunno" well you must have some idea? "well...i dunno" ok how many miles out are ya? "i dunno" i hear her ask her friend how long does it take to drive in to the city? "i dunno" so we found it on the map and drove there.. 20 mins... we bought the masking tape and when i asked her how much do i owe you she said 200 plus the tax where upon my mate who was with me said why do we need tacks? is the tape no good? guess what the reply was.....
I once "solved" a Rubik's Cube. I'd been idly chatting to some friends and randomly twisting the Cube in my hands, without paying attention to it. I looked down from time to time and suddenly, I was one twist away from the solution. One of the weirder moments in my life And no. I have no idea how to solve a Rubik's Cube.
