This scam is working for me in a different way! HMRC just put about £2300 into my account! Why? I have no idea! And the bank account is only a few weeks old and so I have no idea how HMRC would know about it! If this is a scam then I'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it is not a scam then the government must have a pang of guilt over how much they taxed me over previous years! Good ol' Boris and Dom!!!
I have sent the recording of your confession off to the Hertfordshire Police with your details. It's OK, when they come knocking on your door just explain you were only joking.
Oh, I forgot the current climate! Despite the news, we must still be in giveaway mode. I have no job but I must be able to get in on the furlough thing!
With the state the criminal justice system is in at the moment, it'll be months before they investigate it, then months before they get round to interviewing me, after which I will be released under investigation for months, if not years. If/when they ever bother to charge me, the court will list it for trial in 2023 only then to adjourn it the day before due to "lack of available courtrooms" (which is HMCTS speak for "chronic underfunding") and we will get another date for 2024, by which time nobody will be able to remember what happened, the police will have lost the recording or the equipment required to play it will no longer be compatible, and I'll be acquitted.
