Some people will not take the hint to leave, my girlfriend's still sitting in her chair, crying. I've been pretending to be in a coma for three months now.
15 Differences between Airplanes and Women.... 1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time. 2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3) Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go." 4) Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection. 5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation. 6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations. 7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the month. 8) Airplanes don't come with in-laws. 9) Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before. 10) Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time. 11) Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes. 12) Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines. 13) Airplanes expect to be tied down. 14) Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills. 15) Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong. ...and One Similarity When airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not a good sign.
Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: Why do politicians whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes. "I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!" A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip. Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid. "Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!" The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling. "Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show. That Hans that do dishes, is as soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"
A fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding across the Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5." The Arab shouted, "Idiot! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first." "OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom." Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he half-staggered, half-crawled back, near collapse. "Your brother won't let me in without a tie."
This girl said she recognised me from the vegitarian club... But I'm sure I've never met herbivore...
I have diet Coke and Mentos in my house... In other words, my Nuclear Weapons Program is ten years ahead of North Korea.
There wasn't a massive opportunity for a chat after the bukkake session. Everyone just came and then left.
Jimmy puts his hand up. "Miss," he says. "Would you do anal?" "I beg your pardon?" says his teacher. "I mean, would you take it up the arse miss?" His teacher explodes. "You stay behind and see me after school young man!" "Good," beams Jimmy. "I was hoping you would."
