"I had a really filthy dream last night." I told my wife. "Was I in it?" She asked. "Of course you were." I said, "And you were fantastic." "Well I always am." She said smugly. "What did I do?" "You set me up with your sister." I answered
The world economy explained with two cows SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, and then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut. AN IRISH CORPORATION You have two cows One of them is a horse
I was in a public toilet when I noticed a glory hole on the cubicle wall, so I slipped my cock through and got amazing blow job. By the time I buttoned up and came out, a man was standing there washing his mouth out, then asked, "Did you enjoy that?" "I sure did," I replied. "I hope that girl is in there tomorrow."
Instead of getting my wife a new ring, I got her 4 new rings. Or a 'hob' as it's more commonly known.
I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
Before their music career, Fleetwood Mac used to own a horse feed shop, but they went out of business once people realised they could grow their own hay.
Wanted. Old drunk who can not tell the time. A knowledge of football would be an advantage. Apply Old Trafford.
After a great few years with United he has decided to retire from football. MUFC just released this statement "He is the best we've had, really well organised, consistent every year and a great character around the dressing room. Thank You Howard Webb. We wish you all the best in your new career as a Referee"
First Thatcher dies, then Ferguson retires. Somewhere, there is a Scouser with a lamp and one wish left.
In honor of Sir Alexs time in the league a minutes round of applause will take place in the 7th minute of injury time
Manchester United have released a statement saying that following his retirement, Alex Ferguson will be taking charge upstairs. God isn't too happy.
After hearing of the announcement that Sir Alex Ferguson is to retire at the end of the season, Manchester United players have paid their respects to their manager. "It has been an honour to play for Sir Alex. I couldn't have asked for a better manager" said Howard Webb
I heard that David Moyes is set to replace Fergie. I think that would be a mistake. Saying that, the next Black Eyed Peas video should be funny as fuck.
Sir Alex Ferguson has retired so he can concentrate on his horses! I for one wish him all the best with his new role at Asda!
When my fiancee's grandfather died of pneumonia a few days before our wedding she was miserable, she locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't stop crying for hours. I tried my best to cheer her up, but for whatever reason she got even more upset when I said at least now she wouldn't have to find her something "old" and "blue".
I'm glad Fergie has retired. To to be fair the fat ginger cnut's done fuck all since the Royal Family kicked her out.
