Angelina Jolie should also consider a hysterectomy. Then she could make a film about it...Womb Raider.
Wow this sexy new women as just moved in to the end house ...........I'll tell you what, she is right up my street ..
Why are Alex Ferguson and Jennifer Aniston, quietly smug today? Both their rivals' tits have got the chop
The Premier League ends this week, and so does the amazing career of a great manager. I've been critical of him for many years, as well as their plastic supporters, but he has left an incredible legacy at the club with the trophies he has won and the fantastic squad he has left behind. Manchester will never be the same nor will the Premier League. Roberto Mancini, we will miss you!
Roberto Mancini has been sacked due to "poor communication skills" When asked about this Roberto said that "my communication skills are fine and I'm looking forward to next season at Man City"
My mate has installed strobe lights in his bedroom. He says it makes his wife look like she is moving during sex.
Doctor: "The results are in, I am afraid you have Hermes." Man: "Dont you mean Herpes?" Doctor: "No, you're the carrier."
Last night at the pub, I spied a lovely young lass playing darts with her girls. I was feeling frisky, so I ambled over and asked, "Haven't I met you someplace before?" She smirked, then said, "Yup- and that's why I don't go there anymore." I replied, "Oh, I thought it was because you were caught giving £2 blowjobs in the gent's."
So apparently every time someone claps their hands someone in Africa dies. Fuck me, seals are evil bastards.
After having her tits removed, it's going to be interesting to find out what colour eyes Angelina Jolie has got.
I took my son to a children's play centre and thought it was an opportunity to chat up some single mum's. It was going great until one of the kinky ones asked how big my cock was. "like that baby holding an apple" I said ".. Oh! So it's big" she said smiling. "no, it's like that baby's, the one holding the apple"
Last week I updated my CV by adding 'poor people skills, lacking in empathy and with limited vocabulary.' Just been offered three jobs at call centres.
After her double mastectomy Angelina Jolie said she 'doesnt feel any less of a woman'. Which is unfortunate because Brad Pitt will every night from now on.
My wife was listening to desert island discs on the radio. "What record would you want if we were stranded on a desert island?" she asked. "A long distance swimming one" I said.
Angelina Jolie - "Mastectomy has made me closer to Brad" That's because your tits are not in the way anymore, love.
So Rio Ferdinand has retired from international football. Is it possible to retire from a role you haven't been offered? If so I retire from being the Pope.
