Joke Page

The PC version :wink:

 

Apparently, during the last year there has been a fall in the number of foreign tourists visiting the UK.

Some people are blaming the recession, others are blaming the weather.

I blame the fact that none of the fuckers bothered going back home.

 

The cannibal living next door to me caught and killed a clairvoyant.

He only put her in the oven for half an hour though, apparently he likes his medium rare.

 

After serving as co-pilots in Afghanistan, Dave & I became best friends, so I was distraught when I caught him sleeping with my wife.

We can't fly together anymore if his eyesight's that fucked.

 

I couldn't believe it when the social services took my children into care after my wife died, saying that I couldn't cope.

I never thought they would fall for it.

 

Greek people must feel like a tampon.

They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period.

 

For a couple of months now, I've been getting to know a very friendly young lady who insists on calling me every evening for a chat.

Earlier today, I plucked up the courage to ask her if I could masturbate to the sound of her sexy voice.

I think that's the last I've heard of Anglian Windows.

 

I've just found out that my wife is having an affair with a circus strongman called "Mr. Muscle."

He really does love the jobs I hate.

 

I've heard the man stealing t-shirts in order of size is still at large.

 

"Sorry, I really screwed up when I gave you all foreskins. Can you remove them ASAP please? Thanks a lot" - God

 

I've just started a dating agency for chickens. It's not doing very well though. its hard making hens meet.

 

Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry sent prayers to the victims of Oklahoma.

I feel like an idiot now, I only sent money.

 

Anyone who says that the book was better than the film has never had a blowjob in the cinema.

 

Standing in the middle of all the destruction after a major natural disaster which took a large number of lives and saying "I just thank god that he answered my prayers and saved me"

Is a bit like saying thanks to the big black man who just viciously anally raped you for pulling out and coming on your back.

 

I often go around and show dangerous stunts to tramps.

I know they can't try it at home.