I'd love to have seen Katie Hopkins face after the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge named their Baby George after the ASDA clothing range.
News Latest: Buckingham Palace have announced that the Royal baby has been named Prince George Alexander Louis. George after his Great Grandfather, Alexander after Alexander the great a leader of men And Louis after that fecking Irish leprechaun who judges on X factor...
I've accepted a job with Avon and Somerset police. Selling makeup should make a nice break from fighting crime.
I ordered a leather sofa from the Ikea website last week. I now have a dead cow & some instructions on how to skin it.
I went to a school sports day at a Japanese school last week. It was quite enjoyable, but the egg & chopstick race was a bit of a challenge.
Went to see my mother at the hospice today like I have done every day since my father passed away. After months of prompting about the will and the inheritance, she finally caved in. "Son I want to give you something that will be of good use for the rest of your days" After three years of wiping her arse, I wanted the house , not a fucking Tesco's bag for life.
Wayne Rooney has asked for a transfer. David Moyes has asked for it in writing. So that's the end of that, then.
I stood behind my wife and removed her bra. She said, "keep doing that to my nipples, I love it." I said, "That's sod all to do with me, they're rubbing on the carpet."
Watching Gordon Ramsey Behind Bars - he wants the prisoners to show they have the ability to give something back to society. My TV and Playstation would be a nice start.
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
On his visit to Brazil the pope has held mass at Copacabana. I wonder if he met Lola, she was a showgirl.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
My wife's just given birth to a beautiful boy. We've named him George. Not after the new Prince.... Just so we can get his clothes from Asda and won't have to sew a name tag in.
